History of Our Lady’s Ranch

As I gazed across the expansive turbulent sea, a circle-shaped inlet of deep blue water came into focus while the ship long awaited finally sailed into port. Several villagers soon gathered around me, gleefully waving their arms in the air while shouting, “Juan Enrique, Juan Enrique, Juan Enrique es aquí.” We were all so excited to see our generous benefactor on the bow of his supply ship waving back to us with a comforting smile of confidence. The decks were once again filled with stacks of cement bags, wooden timbers, and colored roofing tiles that he had bought for us from the civilized world. Surrounding us were lush, green leaves of the dense jungle that we had settled, now showing signs of our work scattered throughout each clearing that we had carved out and connected by dirt roads. Stick-framed structures poked up through the canopy in every direction – some intended for homes, some for workshops, and one for a school, with a chapel in the middle to guide our activities in the center of our faith. These new buildings, in various stages of construction, would house the needs of our new community.

It now seems funny to me that this reoccurring dream of my childhood didn’t include building departments, construction quarrels, and taxes. Nevertheless, it was an exceptionally clear vision that seemed real to me then, and even more real to me now that construction has begun. I suppose it started back then – this idea of small Catholic family neighborhoods nestled in various regions of the world. After all, why not live next to like-minded people of the same faith? And why not live close to a priest and/or religious and celebrate Mass together on a daily basis? Why are we not already doing it?

With this energetic calling to build “Catholic Family Homesteads,” I have never been concerned about the extensive effort required because I just can’t understand why they don’t already exist. One of the most important considerations of my continuing discernment for this enterprise is that no matter how many difficulties persist, and no matter how many people tell me that I’m crazy, one constant thought continues – Why aren’t Catholic family homesteads already the norm of how we live? I have since discovered many reasons why our modern, affluent culture does not provide opportunities for a more spiritual daily experience. Yet, for those families who are genuinely interested in starting a “Catholic Family Homestead,” this testimony is intended to strengthen you along your journey. Follow the inclinations of your heart, for they most probably originate from the will of our most benevolent Creator, who inspires us to mature beyond the complacency of the current hedonistic majority. So with a prayer for clarity and fortitude, let’s continue tracing the origins of Our Lady’s Ranch, and the trials, tribulations, and trust that blazed this trail of rewards now enjoyed by all those who have surrendered themselves to God’s holy will. 

“Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” (Matt. 19:29) 

After the many vivid village-building dreams of a ten year old boy that later became an architect, the next significant movements occurred through a constant desire to live in the serene setting of a pastoral countryside. A shimmering little brook flowing through the swaying green blades of meadow grass nestled at the base of shallow hills, seemed to me an ideal place to raise a family. But then what of ministry? How can this scene utilize one’s gifts, talents, and resources for the glory of God and the salvation of souls? Well, by utilizing the peaceful environment for spiritual retreats. So that’s what I first intended – To purchase a few acres of land in the country where I could raise children and provide spiritual retreats for busy people who desired a respite in order to experience God in the natural beauty of His creation. 

Initially these thoughts and ideas only occurred to me a few times a year, but then they would surface every month. And just as they began happening every week, a little touch of divine intervention nudged me while on an airplane, traveling to the island of Guam. Starting back in 1989, I spent seven years on the island developing single-family housing cul-de-sacs, while providing architectural and construction services for the local residents and business owners. On the very first one of these many flights to Guam, with twelve hours of flying time to daydream and wonder, I was enjoying thoughts of a future wife and future children, living in a sprawling countryside ranch house, while building little cabins for visitors. In between these mental vignettes, I opened up the Continental Airline magazine and my eyes fell directly upon photos of Australia. Then I began to read an article about a husband and wife who purchased fifty acres there and were in the process of beautifying the land while receiving city-folks for retreats. And I distinctly remember the immediate assuring feeling that swept through my body while realizing, “That’s it!” “That is exactly what I want to do.” 

So I proceeded to work hard, develop my architectural skills, and make as much money as possible in order to someday afford my dream property in the California countryside. After completing several large architectural projects, I began buying land on the island, designing and building homes on the property, and selling those homes usually four at a time, and sometimes five. Back then, I didn’t fully realize the significance of creating little groups of homes, where I had introduced each new buyer to his/her neighbors who quickly formed friendships among the four or five families that had occupied those adjacent dwellings that I had built. But God had already designed a beautiful masterplan that He was preparing me to build, even though I could only see a few rough sketches at that time. 

Well, fast forward ten years later and there I am with my newly-wed wife, our two year old daughter, and our one year old son looking for countryside property in Grass Valley, California. After searching for the “ideal” property for three years, we rented a home on a lake near Grass Valley and attended Mass in the little town at St. Patrick’s Parish. We soon met several devout Catholic families, yet we took a particular interest in the Ettlins, who came over for dinner one night to get better acquainted. As the conversation gravitated towards ministry, I began to explain the vision that was occupying a significant portion of my time and attention. And as I was describing some elements of this half-baked idea, I could tell that they were engrossed in thought until finally they both simultaneously broke into the monologue by saying, “Community! What you’re talking about is community.” Then they elaborated on their interjection by describing their recent visits to a Catholic Community in Alabama called, “Caritas of Birmingham.” They said that the community was based upon the messages of Our Lady of Medjugorje, and that they offer visits and retreats. So my next thought was of course, “Let’s go! How soon?” Well, it only took two months to get there, but to me it was like two years.

We were introduced to Our Lady’s messages and after a four-day visit, my next thought was, “I’m going to Medjugorje!” And so I did, right from there, about five days later. The mission of Caritas includes nine-day pilgrimage trips to Medjugorje that they lead each month, so I signed up for the next one available. In that following nine days of heaven in Medjugorje, I learned more about my life and mission than in all the thirty-six years before it.

Upon reading and understanding the messages of Our Lady of Medjugorje, along with the mission of Caritas of Birmingham, I became more familiar with the Catholic neighborhood community life that is now being activated by the Holy Spirit in many hearts throughout the world. So after that first visit, I went back to Caritas several more times to experience some formal retreats there, and even some presentations and apparitions of Marija, one of the six Medjugorje visionaries. I met with the founder of Caritas many times and considered what life could be like living there, or starting a small satellite community in California. I eventually discerned remaining separate from Caritas because of their lifestyle, which is heavily structured like a religious order, and therefore geared more toward the sacrifices of their mission, rather than the normal routines of daily family life. 

Our experiences with the Caritas community and mission were good and healthy and holy. They helped me visualize community life and evaluate the degree of structure vs. flexibility that would accomplish a healthy neighborhood setting. The experiences also helped me grow in my relationship with Jesus through the messages of Our Lady. Of all the messages that we randomly picked over that two-year period, one particular message continued to appear on a daily basis. And many times this message came to mind several times throughout the day. Of all the lessons that I received throughout this accelerated growth period in Our Lady’s “School of Holiness,” this one message continued to surface and thus became the central focus of God’s call – 

“Little children, I desire that through your lives you are witnesses, that you are my extended hands, my instruments. Get as many hearts as you can close to my heart and lead them to God, to A Way of Salvation.” (May 31, 1995 – emphasis added)

This “Way of Salvation” became the leading inspiration that motivated me to pursue an Agrarian – Family – Monastic – Community – Lifestyle in spite of the many physical and emotional setbacks that would occur in the forthcoming years. Over time, through Our Lady, God showed us how to live this path of salvation that is now described in the “Spirituality” page of this site entitled, “A Way of Salvation.”

After those two years of learning from Caritas, we decided to continue searching for property in Grass Valley, while continuing to pray with the Ettlins (and now others too) about buying some land to settle on together in community. So with renewed vigor, we engaged a few realtors and proceeded to visit every listed property in Nevada County and beyond. We were looking for land that settled at the end of the road for privacy, that extended both local and distant views for a majestic scale, that contained a variety of natural habitats for wildlife diversity, and that flowed with plenty of water in various sources, just in case we ever wanted to farm a little. ☺

By now, we had already been searching for land for over three years and yet we still didn’t find that serene place that would be conducive to living in peace and sharing it with others. So I spoke with our two most aggressive realtors and asked them to start knocking on doors and turning over rocks to find this special property for us. And then a few weeks later, one of them contacted us about an expired listing that she had discovered. As she began to describe this large parcel of land at the end of Bear Hollow Road, with gentle rolling topography and a year round creek, I found myself very emotionally engaged, with a sense of interior enthusiasm that was impatient with anticipation.  

So we scheduled a time to meet the owner of the property on the upcoming Friday. But as the big day approached, I felt more and more anxiety because of a financial impediment that hung around my neck like a twisted chain. There was some unfinished building business from my time overseas that hung in the balance of attorneys, consultants, and government agencies. So the more excited I got about the possible property, the more anxiety I received as well because I just knew in my heart that God would not want us to proceed with this new endeavor until the old business was closed. But the problem for me was that this old business had already been going on for several years and had no timeline or anticipated closing date. So I found myself with so much emotional distraction that I resolved to remain at peace by surrendering everything to God, in His benevolent will. 

Well by now it was Thursday evening, and minutes after my prayerful surrender, the realtor called and said that because of heavy rains, the new property meeting was rescheduled to Monday. Over the next few days, I felt confident that we were about to see a very special property, yet I remained perplexed with the impossibility of purchasing it. So after the next three days of continuing mental undulations of excitement vs. surrender (you know the type) – That Sunday, after returning home from Mass, I decided once again to let go of my own objectives and simply trust in God, humbly surrendering to His will. Within minutes of that spiritual release, a postal worker stopped by with a package addressed to me from Guam. It was a nice, thick, flat package that came from my attorney with the following beautiful words written on the cover page, “Sign where indicated with a notary public, and send back to me done!”

I really couldn’t believe it! God is so good! Even though His ways are challenging, He continually offers us opportunities to decide for His will in faithful surrender. He usually gifts us with an emotional tightrope that demands our growth in humility, trust, and surrender; which act as a balancing pole that keeps us suspended and moving forward in his will. He always rewards our fidelity with peace, and sometimes with material blessings as well. So now in God’s contentment, I was peacefully happy to see this new property and continue the dream of family-community life in the countryside. And I was now able to proceed without the prior anxiety of my own human ambition.

So that next morning, we enjoyed a family outing while first stopping at a postal service for signatures, notaries, and financial freedom. Then we drove out to the property to meet our realtor and ol’ Bob Reeder. He was a calm, wonderful host who began showing us creeks and waterfalls, hills and woods, meadows and springs, agricultural water-canals, and everything we could ever imagine for our dream of living a simple life in the peace of God, and sharing it with others. And the parcel just so happened to be nestled at the end of the road, sheltered in a private oasis, surrounded by hills, and replete with a wide variety of natural wildlife habitat, with extended views across the Sacramento Valley to the Coastal Mountain Range.

As we walked and talked with Mr. Reeder, he shared several facts about the property. It had never been listed for sale before, and he had acquired it from an old friend. He mentioned that he had never intended to ever sell the property, but now that he was older, he might let it go, but only if he found a family who loved it as much as he did. Soon after that he showed us a waterfall, gracing the moss-covered rocks below it. Filled with wonder for the natural beauty of God’s creation along with a keen knowledge of God’s generosity, I thought to myself, “Wow, this is it!” Then, as I glanced up at Mr. Reeder, who was about ten paces ahead, I noticed that little Ty’s hand was clenched around his pinky finger as they walked together. His heart was absolutely melting, and so were ours.

After spending the day with Mr. Reeder, I felt very strongly that the three years of searching were over and that God had shown us the place for our future family life. However, Alicia posed the reality-check question, “How do we really know that it’s God’s will?” So I smiled and replied, “Well, we can only afford half of this property, so if it’s God’s will then it’s His turn to act – again.” And sure enough, through a series of providential events, we experienced several episodes of Divine Intervention, like watching scenes unfold in a movie.

For three years we had been looking for land, and for three years I had realized that we might not be able to afford the land. So for three years I was considering various scenarios of partnerships or some kind of financial strategy to purchase a property, including asking my brother (John) if he would help. So over the course of the past three years, I had mentioned to him what properties we had seen and asked him if he was interested in partnering with us. And for three years, he would always give me the same one word answer, “No!”

Well, as fate would have it, we were due over his house for dinner that Wednesday evening, after just seeing the property on Monday. And I’m coming unglued with the enthusiasm of telling him about this great property we found and how perfect it is and how excited we were about it. But I was not about to undergo another rejection, so I had resolved to not say anything at all about the property. However, as soon as we walked into his house and got settled in the kitchen, as we were standing at the breakfast bar, the first thing he said to me was, “Hey! How’s that property search coming?” Well, that really caught me off guard, so I slowed down the moment by asking, “What do you mean?” And he said, “Well, you know; I’ve been thinking that maybe, I might want to go in on that with you as an investment.”

“Really!” – Just like that – I almost fell over right on the spot. So then of course, I rather casually replied with, “Well, yeah; we saw a place on Monday that seemed pretty good…” Meanwhile, inside my body I’m experiencing this tremendous emotional reaction – the kind of surreal encounter with God that we receive when knowing that He is so acutely present with us in that moment. 

And sure enough, it was not my imagination that produced that “heightened awareness” of God’s presence, rather God himself, who was blessing the leap of faith that we were taking in response to His inspirations. Only a few more days passed before my brother and I met together at Bob Reeder’s property. And without delay, my older brother provided the resources we needed to purchase that one hundred and seventy-three acre parcel of land that is now affectionately called, “Our Lady’s Ranch.” 

My brother has continued to provide financial assistance and advice on this mission for more than twenty years, pretty much like that boat captain of my childhood dreams so many years ago. And every time he helps Our Lady’s plan of peace here at Our Lady’s Ranch, I can still hear those villagers shouting with enthusiasm while jumping up and down saying, “Juan Enrique – Juan Enrique!” But maybe it’s all just a random coincidence. Or maybe it’s not – My brother’s name is John Henry (Juan Enrique) ☺

Closing of the real-estate transaction occurred on July 6th of the year 2000. On that day, the land now known as “Our Lady’s Ranch” transferred from secular ownership to a perpetual dedication and consecration to Jesus Christ through our Blessed Mother, Mary. The transfer of title occurred on the feast day of Saint Maria Goretti, the patroness of the innocence and purity of children. She is a co-foundress, with our Blessed Mother, in the establishment of this “Lifestyle for the Healing and Restoration of Families,” which begins in the innocence and purity of all who dwell here, especially the children. 

On that memorable day of July 6, 2000, I decided to begin a more formal consecration to Jesus through Mary. So I resolved on that day of Saint Maria Goretti, to say all the mysteries of the rosary in honor of Our Lady, while asking her for protection and direction for the property and our family. We started at the entrance to the land, right on the once narrow, gravel roadway, which would become the main entrance to Our Lady’s Ranch. We prayed the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary there, making a special request that “All who enter may experience the deep peace that God has planned for all who love Him.” We also reflected on the great journey to the “Promised Land,” as led by Moses, with the final passage led by Joshua. We considered three significant gifts of the Holy Spirit there – Knowledge, Understanding, and Fortitude. We asked God to grant these virtues to us: to give us the information we needed, to show us how to use it, and to grant us the strength to move forward no matter what extent of personal sacrifice was required. We then buried three “Miraculous Medals” at this location, one for the Father, one for the Son, and one for the Holy Spirit.

Then we picked a message from Our Lady’s messages of Medjugorje (from the book, “Words From Heaven”), which had been our custom whenever in need of guidance and support. We desired to establish that custom for any important decisions for the land, asking Our Lady to guide all plans and developments of her ranch. 

So I randomly opened the book and where my pointer finger touched some words I began to read, “…organize a new community based on the messages of Medjugorje.” We were immediately stunned by so direct a statement. I was pleasantly consoled with quiet tears of gratitude because living in some type of intentional Catholic neighborhood was ever pressing on my heart. But Alicia was not so pleasantly affected because family, family, family was so etched on her heart that she was very careful not to let any other activities impede the work of God in our primary vocation. Nevertheless, I continued to read out loud the following words from Our Lady…

“Yes, one must pray. What you are doing pleases me. For the time being keep a very active prayer life and God will then light up the other plans.” (June 7, 1986)

I find it very interesting that many years before, when the founder of Caritas desired to make a special place for Our Lady on his property in Birmingham, Alabama, he asked the visionary, Marija, to present a question to Our Blessed Mother for himself and his family. And Our Lady responded to Marija with a direct answer to the founder through her, which was the same answer that she was now giving to us regarding her plans for Our Lady’s Ranch in California. I suppose it would also be her answer to anyone else who is considering the development of a new Catholic Family Homestead…

“Yes, one must pray. What you are doing pleases me. For the time being keep a very active prayer life and God will then light up the other plans.” (June 7, 1986)

Alicia’s reaction to the prospect of developing a Catholic neighborhood on the land was quite skeptical, so she emotionally told me in her own way that I was nuts. She then stated that I must have known where that message was and that maybe not intentionally, but at least subconsciously, I found that passage for this significant moment. I tried to explain otherwise, but to no avail. So we left it alone and proceeded to the next station – a future pond site just inside the entrance to the land, where we began to pray the joyful mysteries of the rosary.

We reflected on the “Water of Life” that is Jesus, and considered the spring He places in our hearts, welling up to eternal life. We also meditated on the natural phenomenon of springs, creeks, and rivers that all eventually gather together to form one body of water (As all souls eventually gather together to form the Body of Christ). We requested the safety and health of all who would enter the property in the future. Then we prayed to the Holy Spirit to continue to guide this endeavor as we stood quietly in anticipation of the next message of Our Lady.

So I didn’t pick the message this time because in defending the divine providence of the previous message, I said, “Okay, you’ll just have to pick this one.” She confidently agreed, received the book, randomly opened it and began to read, “…organize a new community based on the messages of Medjugorje.” I can’t remember all the details, but I think she dropped the book at that point. God’s presence was so tangibly real to us in that moment, and we were overwhelmed by His clear direction, and spiritually moved by this divine encounter that enflamed our hearts. 

So after a little pause to catch our breath, we proceeded toward a place we call the ‘Three Pines’ – representing the three kings who traveled from afar to pay homage to Jesus, the High King, the Messiah. We prayed the second joyful mystery there, the “Visitation.” We asked God for His blessing on all who would come to visit, that they would always feel the presence of Jesus here and honor Him accordingly. And we asked for the grace to be gracious to everyone that God would send here, always displaying the virtues of our Blessed Mother to all those we would serve. We then picked another message and read:

“Dear children, today I invite you to live in humility all the messages which I am giving you. Do not become arrogant living the messages and saying, ‘I am living the messages.’ If you shall bear and live the messages in your heart, everyone will feel it so that words, which serve those who do not obey, will not be necessary. For you, dear children, it is necessary to live and witness by your lives. Thank you for having responded to my call.” (September 20, 1985)

We then proceeded to the ‘Gathering Place.’ A field intended for social gatherings and physical recreation. We prayed the third joyful mystery, the “Nativity.” We asked for the rebirth of all who would come here, then randomly picked the following message and read:

“I pray that you pray more strongly for peace and that you become more rooted in faith; that you become unbreakable in your prayer and in your faith.”  

We then walked to our future ‘Home Site’ and prayed the fourth joyful mystery, the “Presentation.” We reflected on the necessary strength and endurance of the two pillars of the family, the father and mother. We asked for the proper development of our family life within the order and love of God. We then presented our family to God, our sovereign. We again randomly picked a message and read:

“Dear children, today I wish to call on all of you that in the New Year you live the messages which I am giving you. Dear children, you know that for your sake I have remained a long time so I might teach you how to make progress on the way of holiness. Therefore, dear children, pray without ceasing and live the messages that I am giving you for I am doing it with great love toward God and toward you. Thank you for having responded to my call.” (January 1, 1987)

We then walked up a small hill to the place of a future ‘Guest House.’ We prayed the fifth joyful mystery, “Finding Jesus in the Temple.” We asked that all who would stay here would find Jesus in their hearts. We randomly picked another message and read:

“Dear children, today I am blessing you and I wish to tell you that I love you and that I urge you to live my messages. Today I am blessing you with the solemn blessing that the Almighty grants me. Thank you for having responded to my call.” (August 15, 1985)

We then crossed over the creek to ‘Chapel Hill’ and prayed the full Glorious mysteries of the rosary for the resurrection of Jesus to be experienced by all who would enter this property. We also petitioned God for all people to receive an increase of faith in the “Real Presence” of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, and for the conversion and perseverance of all people. We then randomly opened the book and read:

“My heart is burning with love for you. For you it is enough to be converted. To ask questions is unimportant. Be converted. Hurry to proclaim it. Tell everyone that it is my wish and that I do not cease repeating it. Be converted. Be converted. It is not difficult for me to suffer for you. I beg you, be converted.” (April 25, 1983)

Over the course of the next several months, as we prayed and waited for God to “light up the other plans,” we did not just sit idly as if waiting for God to drop a letter out of the sky with instructions of what to do next. And this is a very important distinction to note as we discerned God’s will in our situation, especially this major life decision. Yes we prayed and we were attentive to God’s interior movements, but we also actively collected more information, and actively pursued the direction that God had already placed on our hearts.

So we prayed as Our Lady asserted, but we also proceeded with the activities and schedules required of any endeavor, according to the teaching of St. Ambrose who directs, “Plan and act as if God is not involved, but accept everything that happens knowing that He is.” We also included humility, trust, and surrender in every activity by physically following the promptings of our hearts while asking God to direct us by opening the doors that were in His will and closing the doors that were not. 

So in the spirit of prayerfully moving forward with action by following God’s leads, I began to research all existing Catholic retreat centers and communities in the country. I soon came across a newly formed religious order, The Society of St. John, who had recently purchased a one thousand acre property in Shohola, Pennsylvania. They made a website (probably one of the first) that described their plans to develop the property into an intentional community where residents could walk to daily Mass in the village chapel, which would be located in the center of the development. They intended to create a large neighborhood of homes built around a religious center, modeled in the phenomenon that occurred centuries before with the Benedictine Monasteries. They anticipated a village commerce of artisanship, tradesmanship, and barter among the future residents who would live there. 

Well, that was more than enough information for me to purchase a plane ticket to Pennsylvania for that upcoming weekend. And three days later, I was enjoying some tea and muffins with several other people who were all thinking the same thing. There was one couple visiting from Scranton, Pennsylvania; a father/son pair from Atlanta, Georgia; a young family from Tennessee; and another family that was already living on site and working for the organization. There was also a visiting priest from California, and then myself as well. 

Of the many lessons God shared with me that weekend, one of the most obvious and striking was that I was not alone in this divine movement of my heart. In fact, I was told that groups like this (from all over the country) had been coming to see this property every weekend since they launched the website. The Holy Spirit has been inspiring hearts towards Christian communities, simple living techniques, and an agrarian lifestyle for many years now. After all, this visit to Pennsylvania occurred back in the year 2000.

After a full Saturday of meeting people, touring the property, reviewing the vision and spirituality, I prayed for continuing direction from God with guidance through Our Lady. Then after a short night’s rest I rose early, well before dawn, in order to walk outside and pray. On my way out, I spotted the visiting priest who seemed to be vesting for Mass, so I asked him if that’s what he intended. He said yes and invited me to join him saying that it wouldn’t be the Latin Mass like we heard the day before. I smiled at his humble statement and chuckled a little bit at this jolly round priest who was more holy in his simplicity than any of the ambitious clerics that hosted us. 

During a beautifully reverent Mass, my presiding celebrant, with his congregation of one, actually gave a little homily, which was really wonderful, uplifting, and poignant. And during the homily, I couldn’t help but notice that he seemed familiar to me. So after Mass, I helped him divest and we chatted for a few minutes, starting with the normal curiosity of where we were from. So I said Grass Valley, California, and he said Lodi, California. Then he said that he came to the priesthood as a late vocation after raising four children and the passing of his wife. He then said that he was temporarily stationed at St. Anne’s Parish in Lodi, but looking to serve lay families in some kind of intentional community. 

Wow, just then it happened again – That surreal emotional rush of God’s obvious presence in the divine providence that so acutely penetrated my soul. Trying to catch my breath, I gasped out this reply, “St. Anne’s Parish! No wonder why I feel like I know you. That’s my parent’s parish. I’ve been to your Mass and heard you speak before.” He smiled and we talked, and talked, and talked. There we were, a layman looking for a priest to help start a community, and a priest looking for a lay community to serve. We lived within a two-hour drive from each other, yet God brought us both three thousand miles away to meet. Funny God! 

So we exchanged contact numbers and within a week of getting home, we met for lunch in Lodi to discuss logistics and schedules to begin our work together. He had already submitted his request to the bishop to retain his faculties and move to Grass Valley, while waiting for me to introduce him to our pastor at St. Patrick’s in order to procure all of the necessary approvals of protocol. I mentioned that the ranch wasn’t ready for residents yet, and that I couldn’t have him live there by himself, but I knew of a place he might temporarily stay. 

In Grass Valley, we were now actively praying weekly with a few other families who were interested in this idea of a Catholic family neighborhood. There was the Ettlins, the Pettinatos, the Hengesbachs, and us, the Zeiters. We enjoyed praying the rosary together, combined with holy discussions and kid’s playtime. 

The Hengesbachs lived on a small, two-acre farm with an apartment above the barn. When I asked them if they were interested to have a priest stay in the apartment, they were absolutely delighted. So the following week, after our first meeting in Lodi, I asked this new priest friend of mine to visit us in Grass Valley. After touring the new property, we went to the Hengesbach farm and within an hour, all were in agreement to house this gentle priest. Yet he shocked us all by saying, “Okay, I’ll be back to move in next Wednesday!” And that is how Fr. Bob O’Neil started his new life and ministry in Grass Valley. 

When God is involved, it sometimes seems that plans need to wait a long time, in favor of prayer and discernment. But also, when we become ready for His plans – He can then move very quickly. This whole episode of The Society of St. John’s in Pennsylvania, and Fr. Bob’s move to Grass Valley, all occurred in between the time of us signing purchase contracts for the property, and closing escrow on it a few months later. 

So Fr. Bob moved into the Hengesbach apartment as planned, and received the religious approval to retain his faculties and say daily Mass at that residential location. We gladly joined our prayer partners there for daily Mass, while helping out in the new community garden, and making plans together to move out to the new property of “Our Lady’s Ranch.” We prayed together, played together, ate together, and discussed community life together for two enjoyable years while I developed the new property, preparing for its eventual settlement. 

At this two-year point, I needed to make some critical decisions for the property, so I asked Fr. Bob to have us all pray and decide definitively when we would all move out there. So he informed our little group what was happening and asked everyone to pray earnestly for a week to decide how and when they were going to move. We all got together the following Sunday with babysitters for the kids, so it was four couples and a priest to discuss the plan. After a short prayer, we went one by one around the circle for each couple to pronounce their decision about their timing to move out to the ranch. And I was shocked (to put it mildly). One by one, each couple said that they would not be moving out to the ranch. And then the clincher occurred – Fr. Bob also said that he would not be moving out to the ranch! If I could have heard God speak to me at that time, His words would have been, “Welcome little one, to just the very beginning of the suffering that is required for any authentic divine enterprise.”

Perplexed and confused, I gathered my emotions together and did exactly what needed to be done – Retreat! So I took some time to quiet my emotions and gather some strength through prayer. Then, after a “long time” of making the adjustment, I booked a flight for my family to go see Front Royal, Virginia… that next week. Well, when you’re working for God, you’re working – not sitting around licking your wounds.

Front Royal Virginia is the home of Christendom College (one of the very few truly Catholic learning centers in the country), St. John’s Catholic Parish (a wonderful example of how Catholic parish family life should be), and Seaton Home Study School (a traditional Catholic homeschooling curriculum). Front Royal is also home to about fifty large, amazing Catholic families who live in separate dwellings throughout the area, but regularly visit with one another to achieve a strong sense of community together. By large families, I mean five, six, nine, and twelve children in some of these homes. One young family that we met there included six boys all in a row, with one more on the way. We arrived there at the time when we sported four kids, a meager showing of family life in the midst of all these blessed parents. 

In the summer of 2003, we flew out to Front Royal and stayed at my sister’s house for one month. We wanted to visit long enough to make an honest trial run of how life would look if we were to move there permanently. Suzy and her family had planned a month’s vacation starting the week we arrived, which gave us a unique opportunity to meet the families that attracted us, while attending social events without prior influence of “family friends.” We enjoyed a wonderful month there, surrounded by good Catholic families in the beautiful natural landscape of Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley. We noticed many differences between this group of people in comparison to other families in other parishes that we had seen. 

In addition to the size of these families, they all seemed to witness a sincere desire for holiness. God was clearly first in their lives. They also moved with a certain respect in their relationships, which included working together and supporting one another regularly. They actually shared a list of each other’s occupations so that they offered all professional and tradesman work within their own community of friendships first, before considering secular options. And kid’s activities appeared so easy for them. Younger families homeschooled together in small groups, play days were frequent, and teenagers were free to visit with each other randomly and without worry. 

I remember one instance when we were having dinner at a family’s home when their sixteen year old daughter and seventeen year old son were walking out the door with guitar in hand and off to the beach for the evening. The parents smiled at them and said, “Make sure to lock the door and turn the lights off when you get home.” So I asked the father when he thought they would get home, and he replied, “Oh, about one or two?” So then I asked, “Do you mean one or two in the morning?” And he replied, “Yeah, something like that.” And then he continued, “Ah – Do you think I should worry about that? They’re going with Frank’s kids and Pat’s kids – Have you met them yet?” And actually, I had met these youth of stellar, daily Mass going parents and families. I then realized that what Don was trying to tell me was that he really didn’t have anything to worry about in this amazing environment, immersed in a culture of life, as opposed to our secularized culture of death.

Of all the blessings and lessons we received from this trip to Front Royal, one particular family behavior stood out above the rest. An unexpected, silent family dynamic occurred each time we visited a family’s home. As we entered the house, all of the family members present would naturally make their way over to greet us near the entry. But next, a rather unusual thing would happen nearly every time. As we were invited to sit in the family room with our four children, their whole family would join us as well. I mean the entire family, teenagers included. It was the most surprising thing for me to see, and at the same time so wonderful and peaceful. Our kids were just little, and not the prime target of a normal teenager’s attention. But these genuine teens were happy to talk to them, while engaging in our adult conversations as well. It was truly remarkable to experience a certain composure and maturity of these young adults that were patient and kind and comfortable with all ages of people. So we took note of this pleasant phenomenon and prayed that God would help our children be like that too. And guess what? Over the next decade, through Our Lady, God taught us how to raise healthy, happy, respectful, mature children into well-adjusted young adults. And these lessons are captured in the Lifestyle page of this site entitled, “A People Set Apart.”

After those eye-opening experiences, we returned home with a renewed hope for humanity, along with happy and peaceful hearts. We reflected on all of the lessons we gathered, and prayed within a process of discerning God’s will. Should we move to the unstructured, parish-based, Catholic community of families that we met in Front Royal? Or should we remain in Grass Valley and continue developing the property into an intentional Catholic Family Neighborhood? This discernment was particularly difficult because we were comparing two paths that were equally good, and both corresponded to the desires of our hearts that God had already placed there in His will. 

So this time, we took our time. We prayed and thought and discussed the pros and cons in order to use the intellects God gave us to make decisions. I often hear people say the expression, “We’ll pray about it.” But many times I’ve noticed a subsequent stagnation in their actions displaying an unsure attitude in their hearts. Sometimes good, God-fearing people stop their minds from thinking and their bodies from working as they wait for some kind of sign. But that’s not discernment, it’s simply indecision. This understanding doesn’t mean hurry up and decide, but it usually means that either more information is required for the decision, or spiritual direction could help, or maybe fear is involved. 

So we found ourselves in this difficult crossroads of what to do next? What is God’s will? Sometimes, for difficult decisions like this one, I’ve found discernment to be a “full body” experience. Sometimes we need to engage all of God’s gifts and sensitivities to understand His plan for us. First the mind and then the heart, which together form the soul. Which path is the surest way to heaven for my family and me? Which path is the best way for me to help others get to heaven? Which path corresponds best to the desires of my heart? Which path offers the most interior fulfillment? Which path contains the unique combination of enthusiasm and peace? Which path enlivens me to get up in the morning with a sense of wonder, adventure, and hope, while simultaneously generating the peace of God’s loving presence?

After several weeks of praying, thinking, discussing, evaluating options, and receiving counsel, we discerned that moving to Virginia was not God’s plan for us. Indeed, there were many advantages for us to move, but one prevailing thought kept piercing my side – There was no real ministry needed there. It just seemed like everyone there was doing great and living their faith, and they didn’t really need anything from us. It occurred to me that after the first year of getting settled and meeting people, the adventure would be over and then we would just be in a certain routine that would last for twenty years or so. Now for some people that’s a really good thing! But for Alicia and I it was not so good – more like complacent.

So with the decision of remaining in Grass Valley came the next obvious thought, “What do we do with this land?” “How can we use our gifts, talents, resources, and experiences for the glory of God and the salvation of souls?” Our next thoughts continued from the responsibility of our primary vocation, coupled with the desire that was already on our hearts, “Let’s move forward with developing the ranch into a retreat site where we can raise our family in a peaceful way, while helping others find peace as well.” “Let’s live in peace and share it with others.” “Okay – How do we do that?” “I don’t know!” Let’s buy a motorhome and travel across the country to check out what retreat sites look like and maybe find some Catholic communities to look at as well. Let’s go and get some more information!” “Okay!?”

And that’s just what we did. In the fall of 2003, just after Joseph was born, the fifth of our seven children, we went out and bought ourselves the biggest motorhome we could find. It was forty feet long with four large slide-outs in order to fit as many kids and supplies as possible so that we could travel across the country in six month clips at a time.

As the winter of 2004 approached, we set out on a southeasterly route to remain in the warmest possible climate. We had called several retreat centers and a few monasteries as well, but to our surprise, none of them were very receptive to receiving us. One kind monk seemed very welcoming to allow us to park the RV on the grounds of his Benedictine Monastery. But he quickly retracted his hospitality upon hearing that we were bringing five young children with us, ages seven, six, four, three, two, and an infant. Somehow, that poor monk just couldn’t picture us joining them for their quiet prayers, meals, and meditations ☺ Nevertheless, we packed up and headed out on our first RV cross-country adventure that would eventually take us all the way to Florida and back. We first headed down to southern California to visit a retreat site, but when we arrived, they turned us away because of “liability” reasons. We continued driving to Arizona to view a different retreat center, but they were beginning a silent weekend retreat for singles that couldn’t co-exist with a large family at that time. So we moved along toward a monastery in New Mexico that we were very interested in seeing, but upon our arrival, the interim abbot immediately said, “No way.” 

Well, we had handled the first few rejections patiently, but were now getting frustrated. Yet, we continued along in good faith, hoping to find some hospitality in Texas. When arriving in San Antonio, we decided to change our strategy and just find a simple campground to stay at for a few days and re-evaluate the reality of our objectives. So we located the nearest KOA Campground, and breathed relief as we pulled into this familiar site of motorhome travelers. We had been on the road for two weeks without any real comfort or security, so as we drove into our space at twilight, we were ready for an emotional rest. We were invited to the campground’s weekly potluck that evening so we quickly got settled, and then walked our five kids into a community room with various shapes and sizes of retired folks who were full-time residents of this location. We didn’t question why no other families or children were present, and didn’t really mind because everyone seemed rather friendly. But…

Within thirty minutes, dinner was over and the weirdest thing happened. The once nice people became pushy and demanding as if in a hurry. Then, like right out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, they began flipping over the round dinner tables to convert them for poker, while a small crew wheeled into the room a large bar counter, replete with Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, Smirnoff Vodka, and all the popular brands of their elixir. At first, it was so strange that we didn’t really process this sudden transformation from sweet old people to vampires from hell. But within ten minutes, the room was filled with cigar and cigarette smoke, loud cursing and swearing, and drinks all-around. 

As soon as we gathered our senses, we quickly pulled the kids together and scampered out of there to hunker down in the RV with all doors and windows locked tight. I knelt down with the kids in the main cabin to pray the rosary, while Alicia locked herself in the back room and broke down in tears. After the rosary calmed my nerves, I settled the kids in their beds and went to do what every good husband needs to do from time to time – I went in the back to console my wife. 

Upon traveling half way across the country, with two weeks of shattered plans and five kids under the age of seven, Alicia was pretty frazzled. So I slowed everything down and told her that we were close to the city of Corpus Christi, and that we would drive there in the morning to spend the day at the beach. After twisting and turning that night, we got up with a surprisingly good attitude, and after a short breakfast we loaded up the kids into the brown mini-van we were towing and headed off to find the ocean.

A two-hour drive got us into Corpus Christi, along with sighs of relief and pleasant expectation. I soon spotted a large religious dome to the left side of the freeway as we traveled in a southerly route. Its striking blue tiles shimmered in the sunlight, revealing a golden star of mosaic tiles embedded in its center. Those shining tiles brought a new hope for us just as a lighthouse shines that beacon of hope to weary sailors. “Hey, that looks like the star of Bethlehem,” I exclaimed, as I swerved over to the right lane in order to catch the exit. We drove off that freeway without any hesitation, in the hope of finally getting to something holy, something reverent, something Catholic. And within two blocks we saw a large sign fastened to the fence of the property with a beautiful image of Our Lady and those big, bold, glorious letters that read, “S.O.L.T” – The Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity. And just as weirdly surreal the scene was from the night before, this scene was peacefully surreal in the sure knowledge that God was guiding us to exactly where He wanted us to be. And sure enough, as we drove in through the main gate, we noticed off in the near distance, three young gentlemen in religious grey cassocks that swept the grass as they walked. After parking the car, we were warmly greeted by three female heavenly messengers, one older, dignified woman in a black habit, with two energetic young-adults wearing grey habits. 

As we introduced ourselves, still wrapped in a peaceful awe, we happily received their comforting smiles. And as the reverend mother saw Alicia trying to speak without words, she calmly nodded while saying, “I know dear, I know – Feels like home.” We soon inquired about the dome, that we could now see about two hundred yards ahead of us. And the younger sisters once again smiled while explaining to us that the large structure was a chapel for perpetual adoration. So I said, “You mean adoration of Jesus… Eucharistic Adoration… happening now?” These two sweet postulants couldn’t help but chuckle a little as they said, “Yes, would you like us to watch the kids for you now so that you can visit Jesus?” I naturally glanced over to Alicia in that silent way that spouses ask for permission – sometimes like a little puppy dog anticipating a treat. But then, coming to my senses I answered, “Oh no, we couldn’t possibly impose that upon you.”

It took a few more minutes of discourse to understand that these sweet sisters were not burdened with our children, rather delighted in the thought of playing with these very cheerful little creatures that they had so painfully sacrificed in their lifelong consecration to Jesus — their holy spouse that gives them everything, except their own biologically born children. So upon the good sisters charity and joy, we soon found ourselves opening the massive bronze doors of this majestic chapel, upon which time we immediately fell to our knees in awestruck reverence of its beauty. The gold-accented altar along with the miraculous presence of Jesus, struck our hearts like arrows of love flying straight from heaven. Our peaceful consolation was so tangibly rich that we couldn’t ever doubt the hand of divine providence pointing us towards the next adventure of our spiritual journey.

After a good long time of adoration, we spoke with the chaplain about this place that we had just discovered – SOLT’s headquarters for their western hemisphere, as well as a small Catholic college and seminary. We learned that SOLT is comprised of all vocations with three main divisions of leadership; priests, sisters, and laity. We also heard the origins summary of how the founder, Fr. James Flanigan, was once a championship football player for Notre Dame University, before WWII interrupted his studies and he served as part of the Navy’s underwater demolition team. So God had formed him in such strong team concepts that now he approached missionary work according to the ecclesial team concept of priests, sisters, and laity serving in mission together in unique team arrangements. We have since participated in many SOLT missionary activities and thus directly witnessed the power and joy of apostolic works in this ecclesial team format. 

One simple exercise that we were blessed to join was an afternoon visit to a nursing home with all three vocations serving the elderly together. The priest brought communion to all the Catholics there that desired to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. The sisters helped the old folks with their meals, bedside readings, and patient listening. And the families brought their children, who immediately cheered everyone up the instant they arrived. It was truly an amazing testimony toward the diversity of people’s needs, and the effective ministry of an ecclesial team. Some folks received Jesus in the Eucharist, while others found Him in the sisters’ affectionate care, and still others enjoyed Jesus through the happiness of the children. But regardless of the source of each participant’s grace that day, all encountered the deep love of God according to their own particular need, as ministered to them through the prayer and service of the SOLT ecclesial team.

We soon asked to stay on the SOLT facility for a while, because even though we had originally planned to visit several monasteries and retreat centers, it was quite obvious to us that God was providing for all our plans right there with SOLT. We were informed that the best place for us to “set camp” with the motorhome was at their “Ecclesial Team Formation Center,” a five acre facility that was in the neighboring town about thirty minutes away. 

So I contacted the center’s director, Fr. Glen, and after we shared some information together, I asked if we could make an extended visit there with our motorhome. As he considered the SOLT members currently on site, along with their schedule, he decided to let us visit for two weeks, but starting on the following Monday. That news made my heart leap for joy, but more importantly taught me several lessons because of the way he spoke. There I was in my own head, thinking only of my own objectives, and slightly disappointed that we had to wait. Yet Fr. Glen, with genuine charity, was only thinking of us when he said, “I would like to accommodate you earlier, but everyone is gone this weekend, so we won’t be able to serve you until Monday.” Wow, it struck me back then and remains convicting to me still today, many years later. Did I approach each activity and interaction today with the intention of serving others in Christ, or did I merely desire to accomplish my own objectives? “Let everything that you do and everybody that you meet be an encounter with God.” (November 20,1988)

So with great anticipation, Monday finally arrived and so did we, in that forty foot long RV. We pulled into the SOLT property about 11:00 that day, and drove onto a grassy field area that was surrounded by several modular homes and a long, concrete building that served as the community commons with a chapel, dining hall, and meeting rooms. As we stepped out of the motorhome, several families, sisters, and even a young deacon began walking over to meet us. And their smiles grew larger every time another one of our children fell out of the motorhome. We enjoyed a wonderful surprise as we recognized the three sweet sisters that first greeted us at the SOLT main facility the week before. 

Then Father Glen came over and we all talked as if we had already known each other for years. I was so engrossed in his warm greeting that I didn’t notice our five year old son, Zachary, take out a few baseball mitts with a ball and begin playing catch with his new friend, Deacon Zachary. I just smiled and turned back around to speak with Father Glen. But several minutes later, he kept looking over my shoulder and laughing. When I turned around to view his distraction, I couldn’t help but wonder what God was leading us to. All of our kids were running the bases that our son had also pulled out of the motorhome. And now, not only was deacon Zachary playing catch, but the two postulant sisters as well. Then our son grabbed a baseball bat as a resident dad and mom and their kids joined in. And all of a sudden, we’re all out their playing baseball with priests, sisters, and laity. Wow, it was an amazing introduction to the fullness of life that God has planned for us. “For I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

Many questions surfaced that day that still require some answers… Why are most Catholic vocations isolated from one another? Why don’t we all spend more time together? Actually, why don’t we spend any time at all together? My reaction to these questions is, “Well, let’s change that! Let’s create opportunities to see each other more often.” How about we build ourselves some “Ecclesial Family Neighborhoods!”

But for now, getting back to the story at hand would bring us to lunch that Monday at the SOLT Ecclesial Team Formation Center. We first all ate together, and then we enjoyed an evening Mass where we all prayed together, and then we all settled back down to each of our respective dwelling units. Wow – what a day! The next day passed in similar fashion and then the next as well. But each day we spoke more and more to each formation center resident, and each day brought us closer and closer in relationship to one another – kindred spirits. Each day we learned about the SOLT spirituality as we practiced living it throughout our two-week visit. Our time there still remains with me as one of the best two week periods of my life.

God had securely planted a seed in my heart that by now was already a young tree, growing daily through my prayers and thoughts, along with all the new information I was receiving through the research and work of our traveling adventure. By now, I knew that I wanted to raise my family in a pastoral country setting; develop that setting into a place where folks could visit in a retreat type environment; and allow other residents to live on site in some form of community arrangement. But I didn’t want to do it alone! I remember thinking quite often back then that I wanted to work with another organization in partnership towards the fruition of this vision. And that was very important to me because in every previous entrepreneurial enterprise that I had begun over the previous twenty years, I had to start from scratch by learning and building through the school of hard knocks. 

So then I thought, okay hmmm, “What should we do now?” What happens next? We found what we were looking for – Why do we have to leave? I know, let’s build three tents here – and a motorhome. So with warm hugs and long good-byes we drove off, knowing that we would see our life-long friends again soon. But where would we go until then? I know, more SOLT facilities. Oh yeah! SOLT had a convent in New Mexico, a seminary in Colorado, a large mission site in North Dakota, and a retreat center in Florida. Yep, let’s just go around knocking on heaven’s door! But first, let’s go and visit this SOLT family community in Covington, Georgia. 

As I had asked the good folks at the ecclesial team center about lay Catholic communities, they told us about their experimental lay community/neighborhood in Georgia, along with its SOLT host family, the Georges. So it was to be the Georges in Georgia that we were to meet next. Tom and Suzie George and their eight kids were sent to Covington, Georgia to teach and form the ten families living there about SOLT and its Trinitarian-Marian Spirituality, along with the spiritual concepts of graced-friendships, obedience to relationships, and the divine reality that everything is gift; among other aspects of the SOLT spirituality as well. 

Before battening down the hatches and setting sail for Georgia, I spoke with Tom to make arrangements and immediately experienced, once again, the kindred spirit of a true believer. It was obvious to both of us that God was calling each of us and our families to live in some type of Catholic family neighborhood. So then, without any further hesitation, I drove that next one thousand miles as if it were only ten.

Upon arriving in Covington, at the SOLT lay community neighborhood, we were warmly greeted in a relaxed setting. It was a markedly different experience than our greeting at Caritas a few years before. Both groups of people were very warm, friendly and hospitable, but life at Caritas centered around missionary work and a specifically structured prayer schedule, whereas family life at the SOLT neighborhood was more fluid and easy going. We definitely preferred the looser structure of SOLT, but also appreciated having a structured framework of prayer, so we’ve since found a routine somewhere in the middle of the two.

Well, Tom and I were the same age and we both loved God, our family life, the Church, a rural lifestyle, ranching and nature; and we both wanted to raise our families within the atmosphere of a lay Catholic neighborhood. So we talked as much as we could during that first day, and then all through the night; and then as much as we could the next day, and then all through the night again and again. It took three full days for us to review and compare notes, and then three more days after that to spend with our respective wives and kids before they cut us off from each other. ☺

Tom just so happened to be the Assistant General Servant to the Laity of SOLT, who worked directly with Fr. Rojer, the General Servant to the Laity (Superior General of the SOLT laity). So naturally, I was seeing God’s handiwork occur throughout these discussions with Tom, who had been already reviewing these concepts with Fr. Rojer. We soon got Fr. Rojer on the phone and agreed to all meet in July at the SOLT annual conference. 

Meanwhile, as Tom and I were living on planet Pluto, with all of our human enthusiasm about the future of the entire universe, our wives and children were thoroughly enjoying each other’s company as well. Alicia was relaxed to be camped in a safe, family environment while meeting many new people, and our kids were happy playing with the George’s kids and others in the neighborhood.

We have experienced one common denominator in all of our visits to family communities and gatherings – The kids come alive in joyful interaction with other kids. And at each specific community location, visiting children can’t wait to return for more visits. We have seen this many times with many families, including our own; and also including families who have visited us and returned here to Our Lady’s Ranch. A kid’s favorite toy, without any doubt, is another kid. And at these rural neighborhood locations, there are so many natural outdoor activities and games for the kids to play (with other kids) that they don’t ever want to leave and they can’t wait to come back. I’ve heard several parents ask their children where they want to go for next year’s vacation, Disneyland or here; and without hesitation, with bright-eyed enthusiasm they say here-here!

“Dear Phil and Alicia – We have enjoyed the beef, eggs, and butter so much! We cannot thank you enough for your wonderful hospitality. The kids ask daily when we get to visit again. Thank you again for your wonderful Christian fellowship.” In Him, Melissa Schmidt.

Certainly, our kids felt the same way about the Catholic family neighborhood in Covington, Georgia; yet, once again, it was time to travel onward. So we drove to SOLT’s retreat center in Pensacola, Florida. And then we went back to Georgia to caravan over to the annual SOLT Assembly in Corpus Christi, Texas. We had embarked on a whirlwind tour of research, that in divine providence, was concentrated within the SOLT religious community with more happy times ahead. 

We arrived back at the SOLT headquarters in Corpus Christi, which is actually a former Benedictine Monastery and school, now converted into a SOLT Rectory, Seminary, Convent, Catholic College, and Retreat Center, sprawled out on a forty acre property. But more than anything else, it was the hub of operations and landing site for the amazing group of SOLT missionaries. So as we drove in through those miraculous gates again, we didn’t see just three sisters here and a few priests there. We saw several groups of priests, many seminarians, large gatherings of sisters, and lay families with children; and we saw them everywhere. It is still one of the most beautiful sites I have ever experienced, and by now I’ve travelled all over the world. Only the scenes of Medjugorje could compare, or maybe for some a “World Youth Day” is tops. But with our dreams and aspirations of community life where priests and sisters can be seen by our children daily – this place was now heaven on earth for us. 

The SOLT facilities in Corpus Christi included dorm rooms and a large dining hall, not to mention the large Adoration Chapel, so staying right on campus was possible for most of the attendees, including a few families in trailers and motorhomes. And that seemed funny to me, that for the first time in my life, I actually fit in somewhere or somehow! There must have been attending that week about one hundred and twenty priests, about one hundred and thirty sisters, and about one hundred and fifty laity, all missionaries!

It was truly an incredible experience to pray, work, eat, play, and rest with so many God-loving people, while living as neighbors together for the week. And our children thrived in that holy yet playful environment as we expanded our hearts and our minds in the fellowship of God’s army, who were all consecrated within the ministry of Our Lady. After all, SOLT is the Society of Our Lady (of the Most Holy Trinity).

But what about the meeting with Fr. Rojer? Well, we greeted each other early in the week and spent many hours together. He was so prudent, patient, and kind that he sat and listened to both of our conversion stories, our family history, and our travel history; all the while peering into our hearts to help us discern the movements of God according to His call. He soon became our spiritual director, and we discussed all aspects of our family life, our goals of community life, and our ideas of how to achieve those goals in partnership with SOLT. 

We were convinced that SOLT was the vehicle that God had chosen for us to develop a Catholic Community on our property in Grass Valley, so we proceeded to cultivate wonderful relationships within the SOLT organization, while studying and practicing the SOLT spirituality. After the immense grace that we received at the annual SOLT gathering in Texas, we decided to remain at SOLT facilities for as long as possible. So we left their annual assembly full of love and hope and a plan…

We were heading to Wyoming next, to spend more time with the George family, while helping them set up a new SOLT lay formation center there. We stopped by our property in Grass Valley to change clothes and re-pack the motorhome for a northern climate, and off we went to Cody, Wyoming. After getting settled, Tom and I continued our conversations about why and how to form lay Catholic neighborhoods. We spoke of many reasons and ideas, including the analysis and recommendations of the Second Vatican Council. These reasons that we identified are included in the Spirituality and Lifestyle pages of this web site, and culminate in the ultimate purpose of this site: Catholic Family Homesteads. 

After spending the better part of the summer with the George’s in Wyoming, it became decision time again. Do we remain in Wyoming for the next twelve months to participate in a more formal SOLT formation program? Or do we settle on our property in Grass Valley to continue our family life there, while beginning the work of Our Lady’s Ranch? We had one month before the formation program would start, and we needed to be in California that month anyways, so we settled back into the little Cottage that we had built on the ranch and prayed for our discernment of God’s will. Fr. Rojer suggested placing a blessed statue of St. Joseph on the property while asking him for guidance, so that is what we did. 

Discernment of God’s will seems rather easy when deciding between good and evil, because the differences are very clear, and the decision becomes simply a matter of will power. But when faced with a decision between two goods, especially when pressures of time and other people’s opinions are involved, then discernment becomes more difficult. A short description of discernment is included in the “Devotions” page of this web site, under the essay entitled, “Holy Indifference.” But that information was only a fuzzy understanding to me back then, so how were we to decide God’s will at this particular juncture of our family life? Do we live in Wyoming for the next year, and enjoy an edifying formation program with SOLT? Or do we remain in California and enjoy our family life at Our Lady’s Ranch, while developing the property into a SOLT community location and retreat center?

In the process of holy discernment, sometimes we pray and act, and sometimes we pray and wait. I am personally much more comfortable with the pray and act scenario, because discernment is not normally a passive process. “God helps those who help themselves,” meaning that God guides us through our prayers and actions. We usually need the action for any proper discernment because the activity exposes us to more information and more experiences as we analyze the pros and cons with the intelligence that God gave us specifically for that purpose – the purpose to make a decision. And that process guides us in God’s will, as opposed to waiting for a bird to fly out of the sky with a carefully written set of detailed instructions from God. I’ve seen people wait their entire lives for such letters and guess what – they’re still waiting. 

But sometimes, rarely, but sometimes we arrive at a crossroad where we have already researched all the information available, we have prayed and discussed the matter between ourselves, and we have received competent spiritual direction; and yet we are still not convinced of which road to take. Then we must wait for God to act, so we pray and watch; rather we actively pray and we actively watch. We watch for change, doors to open or close, or even small windows that shed more light. As it was for us then, it should be in almost all cases that actively praying and waiting is not a multi-year pause on God’s plans. God never pauses, it is only we that need to gather ourselves and learn more and/or mature more before continuing on a path that God has already laid out for us. The clarity we receive is usually not crystal, merely some degree of less hazy than usual. This reality ensures that we move forward towards heaven with the most revered qualities that are most enjoyed by God and required by Him as well – humility, trust, and surrender. And we look to Our Lady for her example and intercession in this regard. 

“Yes, one must pray. What you are doing pleases me. For the time being keep a very active prayer life and God will then light up the other plans.” (June 7, 1986)

So for us at that juncture, what actually happened? How did we know what to do next? How long did it take? How could we be sure? Well, upon arriving back in California and settling into the Cottage at Our Lady’s Ranch – It was definitely God who did something, and it was definitely something significant. It was a definite change that was obvious, and it happened within the first two weeks of being back in California. God was helping us understand what to do before the decision’s deadline. But what was it? It was a positive pregnancy test. ☺

It wasn’t a letter from God, but it was an act of His that became a deciding factor to remain in California and concentrate our time together as a family, while planning for the construction of a larger home for our growing family of soon to be six children. Sure, we still could have gone to Wyoming for a more formal SOLT lay formation and fellowship. But we received a large extent of SOLT formation already, we had already traveled to almost all of the SOLT locations in the country, and we would still remain a part of SOLT, whether living in California or Wyoming. So why did we discern California? First, it was the most simple and peaceful solution. Second, it concentrated our efforts towards our own family’s needs – our primary vocation. Third, it felt more like we would be living our life instead of doing something to prepare ourselves to start living it someday in the future. And fourth, the decision was analyzed, reviewed, and ratified by our spiritual director; not in a way that he made the decision for us, but in a way that helped us think through the decision from a heavenly perspective, so that we could more confidently decide by ourselves. His questions went like this: Which path more fully correlates to your primary vocation? Which path most securely helps you and your children get to heaven? Which path most effectively helps others get to heaven? Which path is more fulfilling and/or life giving? Which path is more adventurous while simultaneously being more peaceful? Which path is healthier for your mind, body, and soul? Which path utilizes your gifts, talents, and resources for the “Glory of God and the Salvation of Souls?” Which path fills your heart and mind with God’s fulfillment and peace? And there you go – that is the path of God’s will because that is the life He wants for us; one that is filled with His love, peace, and joy – starting right now on earth and continuing into eternal life. So yes, by all means, start living in heaven now on earth. “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10)

We had placed a small statue of St. Joseph on the building pad of our future house as we asked for his intercession to make clear for us God’s will. As we discerned to remain in California, we also decided that it was time for us to start planning and building our long-term family home. After drawing up house plans and obtaining the required building permits, we organized a ground breaking ceremony with our pastor so that every building project on the ranch would begin with a prayerful consecration to God through Our Blessed Mother Mary – Our Queen of Peace. And as we built our house, we continued to consecrate our family plans and our very lives to God. We placed several baskets full of broken rosaries and blessed objects into the concrete foundation of our house. And during the framing stage, we wrote our family’s favorite scriptural quotes throughout the wooden structure, including the passage from Joshua that reads, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15) 

Building our family home was a wonderful family experience. We lived next door to the construction site so I could simply walk over each day to monitor the progress, while doing some of the work myself as well. I even bought a few kid-sized tool belts and worked with Ty and Zach who were by now, nine and seven years old. The parent-child bonding that occurred while working together with my own children amazed me. And that theme of working together as a family has continued throughout our lives. Combined with praying together, eating together, playing together, and resting together; working together seems to add a sort of impermeable glue that cements the other four components together. These acts of unity form life-long bonds that imbue mutual respect with a sense of belonging and purpose that just can’t be fully achieved without the benefit of working together. Working together as a family begins with setting visual goals together, then deciding together how to best accomplish those goals, then moving together as a team to accomplish those goals (with all ages), and then finally – celebrating together in joy upon the completion of those goals. 

I remember one particular project that we accomplished together at that time, and still to this day as we recall the experience, we all smile and nod with a common “knowing” as we remember the special joy of that family team work. It was in the fall of 2009, and the seven kids’ ages ranged from two to twelve. Somehow they started talking together about an early memory they had of splitting and selling firewood. And as they began explaining this project we had done, years before, they asked if we could do it again. This all occurred at a time when I was quite busy with other projects, and also planning a Thanksgiving vacation to drive the motorhome to San Diego to visit our relatives down there for the holiday. So I first shrugged my shoulders at the firewood idea as I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s a lot of extra work right now for a few hundred bucks – I’ll pass.” But a few days later the kids asked about it again, and then the following day after that, they raised the subject again. So finally, I said, “Okay, but let’s analyze it first and then make a decision together,” and we all agreed. 

So we pulled up the local newspaper’s online classified ads and found a few firewood advertisement in the customary two-line format. “Oak firewood for sale at $300/chord, call this number.” Well, the last time I had checked, the rate was $200/chord, so seeing the new price along with the hungry faces of my children, I exclaimed, “Okay, you’re on!” Then I said, “Well you know, we have three weeks until our motorhome trip so let’s make enough money for our vacation.” As they all agreed, one by one, we began the planning process. 

I had them all sitting around me at the kitchen table, huddled around the yellow-lined paper and pen in my hand that would document our thoughts and organize them into a plan. It strikes me now, how that was the first time that we had all sat down together to plan a project by analyzing the situation or problem, evaluating possible solutions, choosing the best option(s), and then setting goals and timelines to accomplish our objective. This simple exercise has since occurred for all of us so many times over the years, that it has become a very natural, instinctive habit for all of the children. What began around the kitchen table with them at ages two to twelve now continues for each important decision we make together at ages fourteen to twenty-four. We have since reviewed family business decisions with a “white-board” director’s type setting, and sometimes in a less formal environment, like on the tailgate of a pickup truck. Sometimes this exercise occurs with all of us and sometimes just a few. But always, this joint decision making process begins with prayer and finishes with clear objectives along with the most important life-building elements of all – A very real sense of belonging and purpose for each family member!

But what about the firewood? Well, as we discussed the idea around that dining room table back then, I included a little math quiz within our discussion. I said, “Okay gang, if we’re going to consider a business venture, let’s start with the numbers.” Then I continued, “If our vacation is going to cost $1,500, and each chord of firewood brings in $300, then how many chords of firewood do we need to sell and deliver?” The older kids got it pretty quickly of course, and yelled out, “Five chords.” And I replied with, “Right – good job, but that’s wrong!” With confused looks, they all, in their own puzzled way asked what I meant – How could that be wrong? “Well,” I said, “I always seem to need more than I think at first, and also, we have some costs to pay in order to cut, sell, and deliver the firewood.” Boom! Huge lessons right from the start, and understandable to all, right down to the little ones. 

So then we listed out our expected expenses and decided to sell six chords of firewood for a gross revenue of $1,800. We next considered how much money we would actually need for our vacation, so together we made our first “Budget.” After balancing the revenue/expense columns of our financial projections, I couldn’t help but mention a few important concepts about basic economics that most people don’t seem to consider in their own family budget. Sometimes we can spend more money than we should, and sometimes we can spend more money than we have. So I relished this opportunity for homeschool in action. 

Anyways, next it was time to consider advertising – the first line item in our expense column. We wrote the ad in a few minutes, but talked about advertising and marketing for about ten. The kids naturally got pretty excited about getting that ad in the newspaper, but I said, “Whoa – not yet. We better split some wood and get some chords ready because when someone makes an order, they’re going to want quick service.” So of course, the next fifteen minutes of our conversation was all about customer service. 

It was about that time when the kid’s energy began boiling over. If I didn’t get them outside to start right away then our furniture would have become the firewood. So we all changed into our lumberjack clothes, put on our work boots, and skipped on down to the tool shed where everyone helped – this was a family project with plenty of work for all ages. After we felled our first tree, the big kids loaded up the large pieces of wood while the younger ones collected kindling. And after I cut all the outer branches off the main trunk, we all had to stop and play on the natural “jungle gym” that lay before us. I think they could have climbed around on that thing for hours, but it was now time for the angelus prayer and lunch. After lunch, I kind of thought they’d want to do something else, but no way! Those little rascals had the vision of our first goal – stacking two chords of firewood so that we could put that ad in the paper.

So we all went back outside with two kids operating the hydraulic wood splitter, two kids stacking wood towards one chord and two kids stacking wood on another, while Mariana and I stretched out a tape measure to check the amount of wood. “How close are we dad?” became the repeated question, which made me laugh… “Are we there yet? How much longer?” Well we were pretty close to the 4 foot wide x 8 foot long x 4 foot high stack that equals a full chord, when one of the kids asked if that was enough. So I explained to the kids that most firewood sellers don’t give their customers an honest chord because no one really measures it exactly anyways. But then the obvious lesson came to mind, “Okay kids – What would Jesus do?” As those fourteen curious eyes looked up at me with complete attention, I took the perfect opportunity to explain, with an indelible real life situation, the eternal words of God with respect to the generosity of our service to one another, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)

Of all the times I had previously read the Bible to the kids (five days a week for the previous seven years), I never had a more visual example of Jesus’ teachings. Little did I realize then that many more real-life examples would follow as we began building a farm and farming business together. Yet, here we were at the beginning of God’s plan for us, and firewood, sales, and making a profit were the tasks at hand. So we stacked more wood until it pressed a little over the required dimensions and then celebrated with high fives and smiles all around. 

Upon entering back into the house, we were all jubilant as we entered in our two-line ad for firewood, and yet another amazing lesson arose – more of the kind that you just can’t teach. All the kids were tired and hungry – yet feeling great! They almost didn’t understand this new sensation until I explained to them the satisfaction and fulfillment one receives from an honest day’s work. Dinner that night seemed to taste better than any other meal they had ever eaten before, our prayers that night were very peaceful, and sleep that night was serenely restful. Amazing – Absolutely amazing the extent of life and life’s lessons that were contained in that one simple project, and still more…

The next morning, as we assembled in the kitchen for some tea and breakfast, the phone began to ring and immediately the kids jumped up and said, “Firewood dad – firewood.” But I calmed them down thinking, “Nah, couldn’t be, not right away like this!” But sure enough, there he was – customer number one calling for chord number one. So we set up the delivery for that same afternoon and that’s how it went for the next two weeks. It was the smoothest business operation I had ever seen, and still to this day. It was “kid-power” at its finest. Each sale went along with nice and happy, cash-paying customers until chord number five when something very unusual happened. This unusual sale required us to deliver the firewood up the mountain to Mr. Jim. You see, Mr. Jim was one of those old mountain codger types that just wanted to be left alone and preferred to frown by himself rather than smile with people. So as we drove up to his place with our big family Suburban, pulling a trailer full of firewood, he watched intently as seven little kids in single-file followed me up to his front door. He cracked the door open with a rather cold snarl and uttered a few grunts while pointing his finger towards an open area next to a fence. Noticing heaps of discarded metal and rock surrounding this spot, I figured that’s where he wanted us to pile up his firewood. We parked our car and trailer a short ways away from the desired location, and then began moving the firewood in various styles of efficiency. 

First we tried the old fireman method of passing the water buckets from one person to the next along a line until the last person dumps it on the fire, or in this case on the pile. Then, after a while we formed little groups. The younger kids began loading up lengths of wood across the older kids open arms who would then in turn walk over to our growing wood pile and drop them off. As all this activity was happening in front of the old man’s house, I would periodically glance over at the large plate of glass that was his living room window. And each time I looked, there he was standing with his arms crossed looking back at me. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of this guy, scowl and all, so when he moved through his front door and started walking towards us, my first guess was that he would be telling us to move the pile. But he didn’t say that. Actually, he didn’t say anything at all. He just stood there watching the kids – staring at them while marveling over the unusual sight that was so new to his world. 

He really appeared to be somewhat awestruck with this whole family scene of kids helping other kids while working together to accomplish their goal. Here’s this large family that is not arguing or teasing, just simply moving in unison like a well-oiled machine, with the peace and joy of God fully present in all their little faces. I think it was Mariana who finally broke him down all the way. I mean, it was slowly coming on to him from the moment we arrived, just seeing those seven beautiful children hopping out of the Suburban one by one. But by now, he was fully melting down with miraculous tears gently rolling down his scratchy, wrinkled cheeks. He turned to me with newly softened eyes and a slight lift of his eyebrows as if to ask if he could approach the children. As I gave a slight nod of approval, he began with our two year old who hugged his leg, and slowly, he moved from one kid to the next complimenting each one of them in a different way while hugging each one. That poor guy might not have received any human contact since his wife died years before. We had God’s life and peace to share, and it came to that old man’s house that day. And that day we fully lived our family mission, “To live in peace and share it with others,” and I certainly pointed that out to the kids while driving home so they could learn from it. Yet, it became obvious to me that I had learned the most that day, at a place and with a person that I never would have expected. “If you are too busy judging someone, you don’t have time to love them.” (Saint Teresa of Calcutta). And St. Teresa also taught, “If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.”

So we just kept on smiling as we kept on splitting, stacking, and delivering firewood. It didn’t take us long to make our eighteen hundred dollars (less expenses of course), and we were ready for a vacation, cash in hand. And now, the fruit of more lessons was ripe for the picking. As we set off for our motorhome trip together, I showed the kids the bundle of cash that we had earned together and then drove home the point that we work first to make the money before we spend the money. We don’t use credit cards as small loans that we spend and then have to work to pay back with interest; rather we make the money first. And then we don’t spend it all – We first share some of it, then save some of it, and then spend some of it; all the while thanking God for the gift of it.

But then another unexpected benefit occurred. As we made financial decisions along our vacation, we all made the decisions together. And the kids, now realizing the value of money, relative to how hard they had worked for it, made prudent decisions on which restaurants and what activities we chose. And also, they maintained a keen awareness of their sense of belonging and purpose within our family unit – “The team.”

Throughout this period of family learning and growth, we had continued to stay in contact with our favorite SOLT friends, and often visited with them via motorhome trips to the annual assembly in Corpus Christi, Texas. We also attended SOLT retreats and received SOLT priests for extended visits at Our Lady’s Ranch – our home. I continued to discuss lay community life with the SOLT superiors, which often made it seem like a new Catholic neighborhood at Our Lady’s Ranch was just right around the corner. I continually lived with much enthusiasm and expectation for this dream that was my vocation within my vocation, “A calling within the call.”  

There was just one thing that started bothering me about the SOLT meetings. It wasn’t the spirituality or the people, for that was all amazing and continually fruitful. What made me begin to wonder if anything significant with SOLT would ever occur was that as my meetings with the SOLT superiors evolved, those leaders became more and more curious for me to explain the vision in its detail. The internal cautions that developed in me were not because of my explanations, but because I thought they were the ones who should be explaining it to me. It eventually became clear that I was the one with the most enthusiasm and divine insight about lay communities in the room. It wasn’t about holiness, for these priests and sisters and lay leaders were all my mentors in the spiritual life and are all truly amazing people. But God doesn’t always choose the holiest people or the most technically qualified people to lead His missions. “God’s ways are not our ways.” (Isaiah 55:89) So I didn’t realize until later that when God put His will on my heart to live in an intentional lay Catholic neighborhood, that I was the one who He was asking to lead it.

Shortly thereafter, we attended a large SOLT assembly at a time when I was really moved to get this new California community started. So in prayer and through prayer I spoke with the new SOLT leadership, with people who I knew and respected, yet different than all those I had the community discussions with before. Somehow, I had that same feeling that I had so many years before when it was time to make a decision. And as it turned out, there I was in a very similar situation when in conference with the three main SOLT superiors; the leadership of the priests, sisters, and laity. And one by one they rejected the idea of moving forward, all with their own legitimate reasons, yet each became another spear thrust into my heart in another emotionally devastating trial of perseverance. 

“Blessed are they who have kept the word with a generous heart and yield a harvest through perseverance.” Luke 8:15

Fortunately, they were all very respectful and they all loved our family very much. And even more fortunately, the beautiful SOLT Adoration Chapel was only a few hundred steps away. So I went there – immediately. And there I sat and sat and sat. And there I prayed and prayed and prayed. But the words of my prayer, at first, were not the kind that I could say around my children. Those initial words reflected the frustration and confusion that perplexed my mind and heart. Why would God place a vision so strongly in my soul without providing a path for its fulfillment? Well, the answer (that I didn’t fully realize at the time) was that He absolutely wouldn’t do that. So then I needed to re-evaluate if the vision of “Catholic Neighborhood Communities” was really from God, or merely from my own personal desires stemming from my own hidden ambitions. In that significant moment, in front of Jesus in His real presence in the Eucharist, throughout many hours of quiet prayer and reflection, it was once again crystal clear to me. Through the strength of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist, my new mantra became, “Community or Death.” 

Upon leaving that wonderful time of bright light in the Adoration Chapel, I walked outside into the lesser light of the sun. As I moved into the courtyard, I was greeted by a SOLT priest-friend who mentioned to me these words of consolation, “You know,” he said, “Whenever God closes a door, He opens up a window.” And then he continued, “Have you met Fr. Pinto yet? Do you know of his work with the DJM’s (The Disciples of Jesus and Mary)?”

And yes, I had met Fr. Pinto of SOLT, and I had heard some stories of his missionary work with the DJM’s. But what I hadn’t heard before was that Fr. Pinto was a very intuitive mystic who was also very kind towards children and very passionate about the formation of the laity. I also didn’t know that he lived in New Mexico at one of the SOLT sisters properties, used as the formation center for the beginning sister novices and postulants. And by now, I knew very well the SOLT Sisters’ General Servant (Superior) and the dynamic nun who was the formation director of their facility in New Mexico. So after one short phone call that afternoon, we pulled the motorhome together and set out for New Mexico to meet Fr. Pinto.

We arrived in Holman, New Mexico on the next day, just in time for their community Mass, followed by dinner. If there ever was such a thing as perfect timing, that was it because Fr. Pinto was the celebrant offering Mass that afternoon. He warmly greeted us after Mass and then sat with us at dinner to get more acquainted. Later that night, after settling the kids down for bed in the motorhome, I met with Fr. Pinto and asked him a few questions about his vision for the DJM’s and specifically if “Neighborhood Communities” were part of the vision. And with his positive, clear, and forthright answers came that familiar, surreal understanding that God was fully present in that moment. A peaceful wave of “goosebumps” and interior joy gripped my whole being once again as Fr. Pinto explained to me, in his unique, mystical way, the realities of lay community life that occur in heaven, and our calling to emulate them here on earth. So by the time I was ready to ask more detailed questions, none of them were necessary. He had already answered all of my questions without me asking them. And he did another amazing thing that night throughout our two-hour conversation. He made heaven tangibly present to me in a very real way because of the very real way he spoke about it. Every sentence or two that he spoke contained in it a reference to a saint who showed him a scene in heaven, or an experience he received from God, or an angel who shared a vision. It was quite remarkable and became the hallmark of all our future discussions. Our long talks were always a great joy for me, not only because we spoke about my favorite subject, family neighborhoods, but because of his style of conversation that framed our discussions within a heavenly perspective. Fr. Pinto always brought heaven here to earth in a way that demonstrated the unity of heaven and earth without any spiritual separation. “The Kingdom of heaven is at hand.” (Matthew 4:17)

Another wonderful thing happened during that first meeting with Fr. Pinto. I gave him a manuscript of the initial founding document for Our Lady’s Ranch. It basically contained our vision and mission as described in our “Founding Principles” and the “Lifestyle” components of the work, which are still the same today and available on this web site. At that time, it was about forty pages of writing, so I naturally figured that he would get back to me about it in the future, if he would ever take the time to actually read it. Well, the next morning he asked to meet with me, and as it turned out, he had read the entire document that previous night, after our meeting. He mentioned several encouraging thoughts and ideas that lifted my spirits about the vision finally becoming a reality. He said that my writings very accurately reflected his own vision(s) of lay community life, and that the ultimate goal of the DJM’s was to form lay Catholic communities throughout the country. Well, that pretty much blew me away! And of course, I immediately remembered the words of my priest friend who had reminded me of that famous rule of discernment, “When God closes a door, He opens a window.”

It has always struck me how God takes us to the edge of our will – the edge of our human capacity, before He then intervenes with His mercy and grace. I realize that God acts in this fashion to help us grow in humility, trust, and surrender, but knowing that doesn’t usually make it any easier to grow through the difficulty. Each dramatic problem that we encounter in life requires more and more virtue because out of love for us, God forces us to mature in dependence on Him.  And usually this growth occurs against our own will, no matter how far along this journey of love that we have already traveled. One of the greatest examples of these ways of God (that are not our ways) is in the Old Testament story of Abraham, who after a lifetime of growing in humility, trust, and surrender, finally received the ultimate “opportunity for growth” when he was an old man. 

Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

We sometimes use the words trial or test, which are very misleading in these cases, because God already knows the state of our soul, and certainly more than we do. So these difficult situations that God instigates for our well-being are not tests, rather opportunities for spiritual and emotional growth. When we pass through them successfully, our growth in virtue allows us to receive more physical gifts from God, that He would have otherwise had to hold back because we were not yet ready to receive them (without becoming prideful in the process).

God is extremely generous with His gifts for us (spiritual gifts and physical ones too), and His greatest desire is to shower these gifts upon us as a waterfall showers the lake below it. But He is so wise and prudent that in His infinite love for us, He will only share these gifts when we are ready to receive them in a healthy, humble way. God loves the cheerful giver because He Himself is the most cheerful giver of all. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

Back to those first few meetings with Fr. Pinto in Holman, New Mexico – We had set camp in the middle of the desert, but now my heart felt like a lush green forest. The good mystic suggested that we begin with the DJM formation, a three year program that we could do from our home in California because the DJM’s currently had a large group in Sacramento, just one hour’s drive from Our Lady’s Ranch. He told us to contact Tom and Louis Lahola, the formation leaders of that region. And he also said that he would instruct Tom and Louis to drive to Our Lady’s Ranch from Sacramento on a bi-monthly basis, to personally prepare us in the DJM formation. Great! All filled up with daily Mass, prayer with a holy SOLT community, and the blessings of Fr. Pinto, we drove away from New Mexico towards our home at Our Lady’s Ranch with a new enthusiasm, and now with a deeper humility and trust as well. I spoke with Tom and Louis before we even got home, and we made plans to meet as soon as we got back and settled. 

As we first encountered the DJM formation material, it became the new beginning of our love affair with God and the holy Catholic Church. Each divine teaching built upon the next while receiving an overall understanding of who God is, who we are, and how we relate to one another. More specifically, the DJM formation is centered around the discovery of “Who I am,” and “Who God is.” We first, through a series of profound introspective questions, discover who God is calling us “to be.” So then, as we come to know who God is calling us to be, we can begin to discern “what” God is calling us to do. 

The basic premise of the DJM formation program is that what God is calling us to do is already written on our hearts. We just have to slow down and work through the “discovery” of who we are, to then “discern” what we are called to do. And then we enter into “discipleship” with the living Jesus Christ through Mary (The DJM’s – “Disciples of Jesus and Mary”). The first year of formation is to discover who we are called to be, the second year is intended to help us discern what we are called to do, and in the third year we become disciples of Jesus and Mary. 

The DJM foundation for discernment builds upon the understanding that God the Father is our primary formator, and that He has a role for each of us within His plan of salvation for all of us. And everything that has happened to us in our life so far – good things and bad things – are all gifts from God that He has allowed to occur in order to form us. And thus we are each formed in a unique way that is specific to each of us so that we can uniquely perform the role that we have in the divine plan of salvation. So as God forms us for our role, no one else on the planet could perform it as well as we could because God has specifically formed us for that role. We are each like a beautifully colored tile that takes its place in the divine mosaic. And we can’t really see how we fit into the bigger picture until we take several steps back and view the divine artwork through God’s eyes and with His heavenly perspective.

Another way to visualize this divine phenomenon is to picture each person as a thread that God weaves into the amazing tapestry which is the divine plan of our salvation. It is usually hard (if not impossible) for us to see the beauty of our particular role, because we are usually looking at the tapestry from the back, which frankly just looks like a big mess. But when we enter into a heavenly perspective, we can see our work through God’s eyes and then observe the immense beauty of his wonderful plan for our salvation.

As we move through the DJM formation sequence, we begin to discover who we are and how we fit into God’s plan, which ultimately shores up the most necessary aspects of our human person – our sense of belonging and our sense of purpose. Then we can more fully respond to God’s call for us by utilizing all of our gifts, talents, experiences, and resources – “For the Glory of God and the Salvation of Souls.”

These formation concepts became clear to me in the first meeting we had with the Lahola’s, our formation specialists. In fact, the formation was so clear and so exciting that I proceeded through the program at an accelerated pace which turned the first two years into one. I enjoyed the material immensely, and thrived in the group meetings that soon became my new candy in the spiritual life, along with the primary source of my spiritual growth and the path of sanctity for my entire family. 

The third year of DJM formation (“Discipleship”) begins a series of nine retreats that are held on a monthly basis. Because of our unique situation, these retreats were held at Our Lady’s Ranch, the proposed future national headquarters of the “DJM, Catholic Lay Association.” I was thrilled to participate in these retreats, and humbled to know that our family was hosting them as well. These nine “days of recollection” included several DJM formators along with a half dozen retreatants. The formators also participated in the retreat meditations so that all who were present proceeded in the grace of God and the movements of His inspiration. And wow – inspiring it was!!!

I remember three distinct episodes of divine communication during those special retreat days. And all three divine encounters provided deep learning and deep growth that continues to shape the way I make decisions today. These three “messages from above” all occurred after the initial instructions and meditations of the retreat, when we were directed to go outside to find a quiet place on the ranch to spend three hours in prayerful solitude. 

The first of these loud and clear statements from God came on the first day of the DJM retreat cycle. For some reason, that whole preceding week was a big animal week for me, and I was constantly questioning the livestock farming operation with pestering questions that kept coming to my mind and frustrating my attempts at a more focused prayer. How many cows can we maintain here this year? Should we expand our pastureland? Should we buy more cows? Should we change our corrals for the cows? Do we continue breeding cows? Or should we change our operation to just buying calves and growing them? As all these questions surfaced all week, they continued to bother me during this retreat, so I straight away asked Jesus what I should do about the cows and He straight away gave me a very clear answer: “It’s not about the cows.” Well, as in all divine communication, those words of Jesus spoke volumes to me in many areas of my life (Having nothing to do with cows). And Jesus’ words are always alive, so they continue to teach me today with new and expanded meanings, all with the same phrase, “It’s not about the cows!” It’s about your soul! It’s about the kids! It’s about the people you help! It’s about the Church! It’s about love! It’s about so many different people and so many different aspects of life and helping everyone to see and experience heaven – now and forever. It’s about so many things! There’s only one thing that it’s not about…cows! ☺

Okay, okay – Got it! Then my prayers that day, for the rest of the day, were very peaceful and without interruption. Thanks God! And the next DJM retreat brought with it another unexpected instruction from God. The meditation that day was about the words of God that bring spirit and truth. So as I walked up the small mountaintop of Our Lady’s Ranch, I began reflecting on how busy I had been the last few months and how all the farm work was really getting in the way of my family life. I wasn’t just thinking it; I was actually really frustrated because of it. So I walked up the hillside to find my solitude and solace with God on the hilltop, where I could view out towards the vast Sacramento Valley, with the snow-capped Coastal Mountain Range beyond. But I couldn’t really enjoy God’s company because I was too busy complaining to Him about my busyness. And the more and more I ascended up the mountain, the more and more my mind busied itself with these thoughts of being too busy. By the time I reached the top of the mountain, I didn’t even notice the spectacular view there because my eyes were focused on the dirt below as opposed to the wonder of God’s creation. And my heart was focused on the dirt of my busyness as opposed to the wonder of God’s creation, which was my family.  

So quite naturally, at the height of my worldly frustration, I supernaturally asked God for His help. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?  What is wrong?” And then I added, “I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to do, and God knows, more! And you’re God so you know I’ve done more than you’ve even asked! Why is this so wrong? I’m doing everything for my family, yet I don’t even see my family. This is like a self-defeating exercise that only goes in circles.” Well, God let me spin around in my head for a while and He let me vent my frustrations, and then, as soon as I calmed down I asked, “Okay – What?” Then He said, clear as day, and it was so clear that I still remember it now word for word – “You’re doing the right thing, but you’re doing it in the wrong way.” 

Wow! I wanted to reply with something like, “What the hell are you talking about?” But that would have been a bad choice of words. Yet within an instant, before I could actually respond to God, it all became extremely clear to me – like adjusting the focus on a telescope. Within a moment’s flash, a whole book of knowledge and wisdom was ignited in my heart. And as I pondered the extensive meaning of those divine words, the majestic view of the mountains beyond became clear, while the miraculous view of my family life now came into focus as well, within the guiding light of God’s wisdom. 

“You are doing the right thing, but in the wrong way.” You are living close to the land; you’re living a simple life; you’re creating an environment that is conducive to my teachings and prayer… But you are doing it alone – What are the kids doing? You are doing the right thing, but now… Do it with your family! This concept of family work might seem obvious to most people, but in my earlier training of life, dads worked and kids didn’t. Well, that might have been the plan that I had learned, but that was not God’s plan. And besides, for me at the time, the kids were little and everything would take much longer if, “I took them with me.” Sure, I had completed several projects with them over the years, but work with them daily? And for my daily work?

So now I could see that at least two huge errors had been clouding my judgment. The first was my own blindness to the purpose of life. What’s most important? Getting the job done, or the way you get the job done? Society pressures us to get the job done now, regardless of who we crush in the process. But God invites us to slow down and enjoy the work, while doing it with others as an expression of love. The second misconception of our compromised cultural standard is that having kids work is somehow not ethical. However, I have come to realize that not having kids work can be (in some cases) a hidden form of child abuse. And paying kids an allowance usually teaches them entitlement. So God was teaching me a more old-fashioned way of raising kids – To offer them specific tasks for specific pay, just like adults do in the real world. So that’s what I began doing more consistently, and now they have all developed a strong work ethic along with a rather conservative approach to spending money.

Also, after many years of following God’s advice from the mountain top that day; I can add that working with the kids has been the single most gratifying experience of my entire life. Every project we do together is a wonder and a joy because they are each little wonders and joys. And every experience with children is filled with God’s love, even when they make mistakes – especially when they make mistakes (learning opportunities). And watching them grow has become breathtaking as I now watch them teach and supervise our new employees.

Each one of my children has become an inspiration to me and all those who are blessed by their friendship. I have so many stories of people’s reactions when they meet the kids; from firm handshakes to eye contact, and especially the knowledge that they share about farming, hunting, cooking, and all aspects of our agrarian family life. When approached by others about their mature behavior, I usually add something like, “Yup, I understand…Those are Grass-Fed Kids! I want to be like them when I grow up!” 

The third profound message I received from God through the DJM formation retreats happened again when I least expected it, and yet again during another episode of frustration. By the way, parents call these things “temper tantrums” when they happen to two year-olds. But when they happen to us, we use a more sophisticated name like, “episode of frustration.” So anyways, there I was again at the ranch, walking through a peaceful field during a planned time of peaceful prayer when everything going on in my head was far from peaceful. It went something like this, “Why is it taking you so long? What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? Don’t you realize that it’s already been twenty years? What are you waiting for? And really, I wasn’t expecting an answer. But really, I got one right on top of my head. It was a direct hit, like a rock that broke off a cliff and then fell a great height, only to land on top of another rock that was my head. So this was God’s answer, and as usual it came so very loud and clear. Right after I finished the fourth or fifth version of, “What are you waiting for?” He replied, “I’m waiting for you!” Oh great! Sarcasm – Just what I needed right then. But actually, just like God usually does in His own way; He flooded my heart with understanding, immediately upon the hearing of His words. 

So before I could scoff at that statement, I knew in my heart that I was not yet ready for the immense degree of blessings and grace that God was planning for me and my family. So once again, God shared with me the one simple sentence that would calm me down and restore my soul to peace. Then I could continue in “Prayer, Discernment, and Discipleship” towards the fulfillment of His plans, all for the “Glory of God and the Salvation of Souls.” 

Throughout the two-year DJM formation period, we were blessed with several ranch visits from Fr. Pinto, who took a special interest in our family because of his love for the children and our unique role in the DJM organization. I thoroughly enjoyed every conversation with him as he continued to bring heaven down to earth for us, while also prophesying certain aspects of our future in community life. Many of his assertions have already transpired, including the many benefits of the crosses that we planted at all four boundaries of the property. Upon his direction, I designed and had fabricated four large metal crosses, each of them standing twenty feet high by seven feet across. 

We had several DJM prayer gatherings and work parties at Our Lady’s Ranch in this two-year courtship with the DJM Association. We enjoyed all of them through the deep love and common ideals that we shared with all of the members in the Sacramento chapter, who had now become our close friends. One such day of work was organized around the setting of the crosses. We had selected a location for each cross at each boundary line of the ranch, and each of them in highly visible places. We pre-drilled holes in the ground and set out bags of concrete to cement them in the ground for a permanent fit. We also set out small piles of rocks near each cross and had each person say a personal prayer as they selected a rock to place at the bottom of each cross, a tradition that we still continue today. 

Fr. Pinto came to the ranch on that “cross-setting” day, along with about sixty DJM members. We all prayed and processed around the ranch with singing and happiness as we witnessed Fr. Pinto bless each cross with holy water along with a long, silent prayer at each cross. It was a truly profound experience that was filled with God’s love and peace, along with a certain enthusiasm for everyone who wanted to live at Our Lady’s Ranch in the near future. 

The DJM formation program concludes with a graduation of disciples that each write a “Plan of Life” and receive a personal audience with Fr. Pinto to review the plan in a formal setting of spiritual direction. The purpose of the plan of life is to highlight the key words or phrases that define one’s spirituality with respect to who God is calling him/her to be. Then, whatever God is calling them to do will always correspond to how God formed them to be. After all the time of prayer, self-analysis, and discovery in the grace of God, my life’s formation distilled down to three key words, “Simple, Gentle, Humble.” That might not sound like much without further explanation, but to me it made clear all of the major decisions of my life. Knowing the backstory of how God formed me, I can now easily identify which decisions in my life were in God’s plan for me, and which ones disrupted God’s plan for me. The whole DJM formation program and related experiences are a tremendous blessing to all those fortunate souls who discover them. “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all the he has and buys that field.” (Matt. 13:44)

Well then, it was finally time for a large DJM meeting to discuss all the details of our lay Catholic neighborhood community at Our Lady’s Ranch. Finally! After all, I had been waiting for this moment for what felt like all my life. Alicia and I drove to Sacramento to meet with the chapter leaders, and all other DJM members who were interested. Well, pretty much everyone was interested, so pretty much everyone came to this meeting; probably about sixty people, all of whom were active disciples of Jesus and Mary. We all sat in a large room, and after a short prayer, I just could not believe what came next from each of the DJM leaders. Here we go all over again; the same nightmare with yet even more emotional investment involved. And one by one, we heard the following comments – “You know, moving forward will mean that no other religious group or parish will be able to hold retreats at Our Lady’s Ranch because it will become exclusive to only DJM activities.” Then we heard, “Well, regardless of who decides to live there, you realize that all decisions will need to be handled by the Sacramento leadership.” And then, as if that wasn’t enough, the final blow came next, “Before we can move forward, you’ll need to deed the entire property over to the DJM Organization.”

Wow!!! Really? Again? Okay!!! Okay God – Okay life – Okay, got it! I finally got it! And throughout all that emotional pain, God’s message was finally clear to me – “No one else can substitute for you. No other person, no other group; no religious person and no religious order can fulfill the role that is yours. They have their respective roles and you have yours. Other groups can form other lay Catholic Communities, but the work of Our Lady’s Ranch is the work that I have assigned for you, and it will be accomplished by me through you at the time that I have planned it since even before time began.” 

“Dear children, I want you to comprehend that God has chosen each one of you in order to use you in a great plan for the salvation of mankind. You are not able to comprehend how great your role is in God’s design. Therefore, dear children, pray so that in prayer you may be able to comprehend what God’s plan is in your regard. I am with you in order that you may be able to bring it about in all its fullness. Thank you for having responded to my call.” (January 25, 1987)

It was now the year of 2010, ten years after the purchase of Our Lady’s Ranch, and twenty years after the magazine article showed me a glimpse of God’s plan for me and my family. It was always about faith and family; and now, it still is about faith and family! What is the most secure path to heaven for myself and my wife and my children? The best path was certainly not the one that our modern culture has fallen into, rather the one that God Himself has lifted up through Our Lady. So now, at that point twenty years later, I concentrated my focus on Our Lady’s central message to me and continued to create an environment for her that was conducive to the prayer and love that she requests in her messages of Medjugorje. 

“Little children, I desire that through your lives you are witnesses, that you are my extended hands, my instruments. Get as many hearts as you can close to my heart and lead them to God, to A Way of Salvation. (May 31, 1995 – emphasis added)

So we proceeded to raise our children according to the teachings of the Church along with the teachings of Our Lady’s messages of Medjugorje in her “School of Holiness.” We continued holding small retreats and prayerful gatherings at Our Lady’s Ranch, along with a new program that occurred as we started farming at a larger, commercial scale. I would have never guessed this new flood of people who desired to visit Our Lady’s Ranch: these were people of all different ages, cultures, and religions who all had one primary, important thing in common – food. Hence came, without expectation or even any warning, the new mode of our retreats – The Farm Tour. We received baseball teams, Cub Scout troops, third grade classes, and the most predominant of all – homeschool co-op families. 

I loved it! It was really exciting because of the unexpected opportunity of sharing our faith in a less formal setting, and with groups of less formal training. I have always thought that in order for people to really encounter God, they must be forced out of their normal routine into a place that has the capacity to capture their attention. And as it turns out, people are really interested in this family farming, homesteading way of life. They are also very interested in where their food comes from and how it is grown. So each farm tour that arises, whether with as many as one hundred people or as little as five; everyone is very attentive and fully engaged. So I can walk around the ranch with these folks in a very unique setting where they truly are a captive audience. And the way we grow the livestock is all centered in God’s natural creation, and we do all the farm work as a family, so in almost every sentence of these farm tours, there is something I reference back to faith and family. And then, usually as we are walking around, somewhere in between the cows and the pigs, or the sheep and the chickens, or anywhere in between; the prayer bells ring and I stop talking and everyone just stops. They have already stopped their daily routines for this farm tour, and now they have stopped moving their bodies. And once they have stopped their kids from talking, they simply enter into the silence of the nature and the prayer. 

Now I don’t, all of a sudden, fall to my knees and force everyone into a decade of the rosary with me. After all, these are people of all faiths, and usually several who are new agers, and even some atheists. So not everyone will understand our Catholic teachings, but everyone does understand nature, and everyone understands healthy food. So after a little silence, when the bells finish the lovely tune, I simply connect the dots for our visitors with nature, creation, a sustainable lifestyle, and the health and wellness of our humanity – spiritually, physically, intellectually, and emotionally. And that most often brings up so many questions from the visitors that I just answer them with what we do as a family. That way no one is intimidated, and everyone enjoys the answers that are spoken with love, compassion, and peace.

Demonstrating God’s existence, goodness, truth, and beauty is actually quite easy to do within a farm tour setting, starting with our family agrarian lifestyle. The sight of caring parents who integrate prayer, homeschooling, health, and farm work into their daily family life is a powerful witness to everyone who experiences it, even if it’s only during a short visit, but especially when visitors participate in it for the full day, and a full weekend is even better. And sharing our family values uplifts us in our own lives too, especially in the children who learn to appreciate this wholesome way of life as they hear the compliments of the visitors. 

Another wonderful family activity occurred during this period of developing an agrarian lifestyle – Farmers’ Markets. We had heard of farmers’ markets before, but I couldn’t recall ever visiting one. More and more people suggested that we sign up to sell our grass-fed beef there, so we decided to make a full Saturday family outing. We all jumped in the family van for a farm tour of our own – a farmers’ market tour. And we sure enjoyed the wonderful family atmosphere we discovered there. The farmers were all very interesting and happy and colorful, as were all the rich, healthy foods they offered. The market atmosphere included live music, hot food, and even a few activities for the kids. And as it turned out, the market manager was looking for a vendor for grass-fed beef. 

Within two weeks, we secured our county approvals and the next Saturday after that, here we come – A new farming family on the scene with seven Catholic kids, ready to live that witness out in the public square. We set up a double-sized sales booth with a giant sign that read, “Family Friendly Farms at Our Lady’s Ranch.” We included a barbeque for product samples that sent out a smoke signal of mouth-watering appetizers. And with seven kids in the booth, all participating in one way or another, the full advertisement of “family” was on display for all who came our way. I never tried to follow any “politically correct” practices, rather just relished the unique opportunity to live our faith in full public view. We even kept a little bowl out front with our favorite souvenirs of Our Lady’s Ranch, which are blessed, Miraculous Medal key chains that we put together two-hundred at a time as a simple way to share our faith with others. 

In addition to providing an exceptional venue to witness our faith, the farmers’ market also generated income for us, while allowing the kids many opportunities to learn about sales, marketing, business, and people. The kids were in charge of the whole operation, with me around to help them learn the financial and spiritual lessons that filled our Saturdays throughout each summer. We set goals together and we worked together to accomplish those goals. And then we evaluated our performance together with not only the tangible realities of business, but also according to our primary objectives of teamwork, maturity, and virtue. I’ll never forget one such family meeting when Christia, who was twelve at the time, said about her younger brother who was nine, “Wow, good job Joseph! You really stepped up for us this year – Made a big impact – Good job!” And I remember hundreds of examples like that where “team spirit” was family spirit that made life-long bonds in the kids, while providing the necessary foundation for their human dignity – a strong sense of belonging and purpose. 

Of all the incredible blessings and stories of our family’s era of the farmer’s market, I suppose my favorite is the time that Mariana, then four years old, set up her own sales table. This little, miniature entrepreneur kept asking and asking to set up her own booth. I was reluctant to split her off from the family team, but then found the perfect opportunity for her one Autumn, as our pear trees became laden with ripe fruit. So together, one Friday afternoon, little Nina (Mariana) and I brought some baskets out to our small orchard and picked lots of tasty, ripe pears. They were big and juicy, but not quite as big and juicy as the smile on Nina’s face that day. She got even more excited as we folded up her little “Dora the Explorer” table and chairs. And we arranged for a tablecloth and a little sign so she could be just like the big kids. We even set aside her own scale. After all, the sign read, “Bartlett Pears, $3.00/lb.”

Then, the big Saturday morning finally arrived. We usually all got up at 5:30 in the morning in order to leave at 6:00, but Nina was awake by 5:00, if she ever slept at all. So we got to the farmers’ market and everyone set up the big booth, while Nina carefully dressed her table and arranged her pears in the baskets. There she was at four years old, setting up her storefront and merchandising her products in a careful display that would sell the most product at the highest price. All the business lessons were right there, including the financial ones, and especially all the ones on how to relate to people – relationships. 

So, of course, everyone who passed by her table was awed at this most precious sight of their morning. And of course, no one could resist stopping and talking to her, most of them buying a pear or two in the process. One young fellow even laughed out loud as he told us that he bought a small bag of pears from her even though he had a pear tree at home that was dropping them on the ground. But the highlight of the day came from Paul, a middle-aged customer of ours, who had become a faithful fan of our family. So Paul walks up to me at the meat booth with this giant bag full of pears in his hand and an even bigger smile on his face. He said, “Wow, that little girl is amazing. She weighed all these pears out and then used her little calculator there and then looked up at me and said, “That’ll be eighteen dollars and seventy-five cents.” And he continued, “This homeschooling thing that you do is remarkable.” And as he’s talking, I’m thinking to myself, “What? Since when does Mariana know how to use a calculator? Or multiply weight times price per pound to get a total price?” So then it occurred to me what had happened. I really didn’t want to say anything to ruin Paul’s amazement, but I just couldn’t hold it back and started laughing. As he looked at me rather puzzled, I had to admit, “Paul,” I said, “Nina’s only four! She was just making the whole thing up – mimicking her older brothers and sisters.” And then we both started laughing together, and then we smiled as we realized that, lucky for him, she got the total pretty close. Then I laughed again while teasing, “Paul, you just got hustled at a farmer’s market – by a four year old.” Well, I suppose the bigger lesson is that the younger siblings will always mimic the older ones, so if we can find or create healthy activities for the older kids, then the younger ones will have a good chance of coming out okay too.

During this period of farming and farmers’ markets, I continued the pursuit of an intentional Catholic neighborhood, but most of the trials and errors seemed to be errors. Over the course of ten years, we had twelve different households living on Our Lady’s Ranch with us, all at different times. Some were singles, some were couples, and some were families. I learned many lessons over those years, and one of them seems most relevant to anyone starting a neighborhood of their own. And here’s the lesson: It only takes one other person to make a community! All the aspects of community life are present, even if there is only one other household than your own, and even if the other household is just one person, and even if the person is a mother-in-law, an aging parent, or even a priest. We have lived with all of those profiles here at Our Lady’s Ranch, and all of them can be very good situations, but all of them require every aspect of a healthy community including proper communication, mutual understandings, and appropriate boundaries.

We have enjoyed several different neighborhood scenarios over the years. In one such segment of life, we had two young men and a retired priest living on site for about a year. This SOLT priest was so dear to our family that during a transition year of his ministry, he received permission from his superior and from our local bishop to retain all of his faculties while living at Our Lady’s Ranch. That included saying daily Mass at the ranch while providing assistance to our pastor for weekend Masses at the parish. So Fr. Eckley came to live at the cottage of Our Lady’s Ranch where we paired him with a young Catholic man as a housemate, driver, and apprentice. 

Words cannot fully explain the joy of celebrating Mass in our own home on a daily basis. And the peace of weekly Adoration, every Wednesday in our own “Prayer Room” was simply miraculous. All the children were present to Jesus in a very unique way every day, and all of us enjoyed daily interactions with a religious person. Also, Fr. Eckley received the tremendous blessing of a family who loved him and children who entertained him and cared for him. There was a lot of love floating around back then, and lots of divine grace. 

All these years of learning from God how to raise our children were combined with learning how to live a more simple life. And as we traveled through the adversities of our journey, we grew stronger and more resilient to the difficulties that persist in any vocation. We learned, we grew, we suffered, we recovered, we prayed, we taught, we lived. We lived family life – fully alive! And God, in his mercy, prepared us for each new learning opportunity that came, especially the more difficult ones. But the most difficult was yet to come. The unthinkable… 

It might be said that the dad is the head of the home, and sometimes that’s true. But it can always be said that the mom is the heart of the home, and that is always true! Of all the family struggles or setbacks that we had persevered through in the past, nothing could compare to this devastating family loss. It happened in the year 2020, when the kids were ages thirteen to twenty three. And you know what strikes me the most about the whole affair? God’s grace! God’s mercy, His generosity, and His gift. It sure is hard to find the gift sometimes, but those times are when God’s gifts are like icebergs; when the biggest sufferings have the most growth to offer, yet hidden below the visual surface. 

In God’s mercy, I heard the news before the children, so I could prepare myself and them before dropping this bomb. Late that night, we all gathered in the same room where every important family decision was made, where every family entertainment occurred, and where every family emergency was shared – the family room. I sat everyone down in small teams of two as I began this family meeting in the same way we had begun all of our family meetings – with prayer. The prayer was especially devout that night as was the presence of God, who joined us in our tears, our hugs, our confusion, and our disbelief as I explained to the kids that their mom had passed away earlier that day. Our hearts were all broken into pieces that night, but in God’s love, he began to glue them back together using pieces of His own. He took pieces of Ali’s heart and gave them to Nina, while he took pieces of Christia’s heart and gave them to Ali. He did this back and forth between all the kids while giving pieces of my heart to all of them. And pieces from all of them I also received. So now, in our loss, we gain. And Our Blessed Mother is now truly the Mother of all of us as she continues to lead each of us in “A Way of Salvation.”

“Definitely eliminate all aguish. Whoever abandons himself to God does not have room in his heart for aguish. Difficulties will persist, but they will serve for spiritual growth and will render glory to God.” (June 16, 1983)

With respect to building a “Catholic Neighborhood Community,” Alicia’s death has not hindered the will of God that is indelibly etched upon my heart. Rather, it has strengthened my commitment towards that ever-increasing goal of living in heaven on earth – something that is not only possible, but even described by God through the proclamation of Jesus, “The kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” (Matthew 3:2)

So now, with all of the teachings that God has shared with us, we are inviting you to form your own Catholic Family Homestead, to allow others to share in this lifestyle. For we believe that the time has finally come, and that the measure of suffering has reached the point that I expressed many years ago, “There will come a time when Catholic Family Homestead Communities become a socially accepted way of life, just as homeschooling has become a socially accepted way of education. Until that time, there must be several pioneers who undergo the prayer, planning, patience, and suffering that is required by God for any important Christian enterprise.”

“Prayer, Planning, Patience… and Suffering!” But the type of suffering God requires is not without purpose, nor is it disconnected from Him and the virtue that it demands. For example, as described earlier in this story, when I was complaining to the Father about His delays, I had clearly asked Him what He was waiting for and He clearly answered me that, “He was waiting for me.” Only now could I more fully understand the deeper meaning of His words. I initially realized that I needed to grow more in virtue, but I didn’t know exactly which virtues or how this growth was going to occur. But now, after God had achieved a more complete detachment in me through this new, extreme suffering, I understood more fully why I had not been ready for the service He was asking of me.

Before this time, even with the extensive hard work and daily sacrifices I was making for my family and for a future community at Our Lady’s Ranch, my intentions were not pure, rather mixed with selfishness. I wanted other families to live at Our Lady’s Ranch because I wanted friends for my kids, and I wanted help to accomplish God’s plans. But now things are different. After my family got blown up as if an atomic bomb went off in our house, I was left with no impure motives because actually, I didn’t have any motivation at all. But very soon thereafter, God restored my desire and drive to move in His will, however in a much less selfish way, now unencumbered by my own needs or wants. Through God’s perfect plan, the suffering that He allowed wrought in me a more pure heart that truly desires to help other families live this homesteading lifestyle called, “A Way of Salvation”.

Living at Our Lady’s Ranch has been a tremendous blessing for my family and all those who have lived here as well, but it hasn’t been easy. That has never bothered me though, because it has always been deeply rewarding. God has continued to teach me about family life and how to raise healthy, happy, and holy children in the midst of our current culture that can sometimes destroy them. And as I have watched the children grow from infants to toddlers, to boys and girls, to teenagers and young adults, to college students and spouses; I realize more and more that it is not good for a family to be alone. “It takes a village to raise a child.”

And I have also learned that “It is not good for a man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) So after a short period of time, when the dust had settled from the explosion, I wanted to meet a lifelong companion – someone with whom I could share my Catholic faith along with all my hopes and dreams of a virtuous life within a Catholic Family Homestead Community. But where does someone search for such a uniquely special person? Ah – Where else could I look (in our pandemic era) other than the online, “Catholic Match!”

So to Catholic Match I went one evening, and then again four evenings in a row. I travelled in that virtual space from one country to the next, literally searching the world until finally, a beautiful woman emerged with a powerful description of virtue and desire. She was the one for me – Karen from Honduras! Who is this holy, exotic person? And what is her story? I wanted to know right away, so I sent her a message without delay. But as usual, God wasn’t going to let me have an answer too soon.

I looked for Karen’s reply the following day and then again the next day and the next until ten days had passed and reality began to settle in my disappointed heart. After several more days, I decided it was time for a retreat to pray and reflect and discern what God may be wanting for me. Maybe it was just my will to meet Karen and not God’s will at all… Or was it?

Then came a Saturday, exactly two weeks after my initial text to Karen. I began a retreat at home where I kneeled, sat down, stood up, walked around, and kneeled some more throughout the day in prayer, thanksgiving, and discernment. At the end of the day, I sat down in the prayer room and stared at the crucifix as I simply let go and let God. Humility, trust, and surrender had been my mantra, so I repeated it over and over with Jesus as he looked down at me from the cross. Yet, even though I felt His presence with me, I couldn’t help but feel lonely while hoping for an answer to my prayers.

I had discerned quite clearly that it was right for me to search for a companion, thinking that “It was not good for me to be alone.” But even still, in my complete surrender to God, I began visualizing a consecrated, single life and sadly thought the words, “God, whatever is your will for me, I accept it. May your will be done!”

The moment those thoughts finished in my head, it couldn’t have been more than three seconds that my phone made a strange sound. I knew it wasn’t the normal text or email sound so my next thought was, “Maybe that’s Karen?” But then I began to laugh at myself as one teenager would laugh at another for such a silly thought. Yet, with curiosity getting the best of me, I grabbed my phone, turned it over, and couldn’t believe my eyes. Sure enough, it was a message from this amazing woman… Karen from Honduras!

She had written a very courteous and intriguing message. But before making my reply, I was still stunned, so I gazed back at Jesus to find Him smiling at me, and I at Him. “Okay Lord,” I said, “Remember those old movies when a friend hides behind the bushes whispering what to say? Okay then – How about a little help here?” So I prayed some more and then responded to Karen’s message with Jesus next to me behind the bushes.

I went to sleep that night with awe and wonder – Awe for the loving kindness that God had showed me in His definite divine intervention, and wonder of the thrilling adventure I might discover with Karen. Nevertheless, I awoke the next morning somewhat melancholic, motionless and lacking desire. So I just remained in bed until I heard my phone beep, at which time I immediately jumped up to reach my phone thinking, “Maybe that’s Karen?” But it wasn’t. Yet that little experience spoke loudly to me. “Wow! That’s certainly a confirmation of God’s will,” I thought. Excitement, enthusiasm, adventure, and life! All positive, affirming realities of discernment. God was calling me to remain in the married life of the laity, and He was using Karen’s cell phone to place the call.

Well, of course this was just the beginning of our relationship and we couldn’t have realized at the time what God had intended for us, but He didn’t take long to reveal His intentions. It was only a few minutes later when my phone sounded again, and this time it was Karen! Then text-reply, text-reply, text, text, text-reply, starting at about 7:30 am until we stopped to realize that it had become 1:00 am the following morning. We had continuously texted each other all day and night, with just a short pause for Mass and a meal. The excitement grew as both of our hearts lifted in the peace and joy of our relationship in God.

As we shared our stories, we both received silent tears of confirmation upon learning that it was not just myself that surrendered to God’s will that lonely day. To my astonishment, Karen relayed the exact same condition of her own soul. The same Saturday that we found each other happened to be the same day that Karen also had given her heartfelt surrender to God.

Karen had prayed for many years for a good man to be her husband, and also a role model for her two girls, Emily and Camille. And the Saturday that she sent her first reply to my message happened to be Emily’s birthday. Upon finishing her time at Emy’s party that day, Karen silently excused herself to a remote room for prayer. And after saying a rosary, she found herself in a quiet, lonely mood, humbly surrendering herself to God’s will. She really wanted to find her soulmate, but with silent tears she resolved to accept God’s will, even if that meant being alone for the rest of her life.

But just as she finished that prayer, her phone sounded with a notification from Catholic Match… A fourteen day hold had just finished, so now she could view her messages! She proceeded to swipe off one message after another until she came to my message and somehow stopped there with intrigue. Something seemed different so she paused herself and replied with a new happiness in her heart that she had never felt before. And that moment of Divine providence started a chain reaction that continues to this day.

We texted and talked and face-timed together for several months, with all of our teenage kids calling us teenagers. We were having a blast and spending every day together, but always through virtual means. So we of course couldn’t wait to meet in person, but God made us wait a little longer. Between the international problems of the Covid pandemic, along with two hurricanes that closed the Honduran airport, we couldn’t get together in person. Yet we knew that God had perfectly arranged all the timing for us, so we figured that He wanted us to develop a deeper friendship together before our first personal encounter.

After three months we finally met in Cancun, Mexico for a two week vacation that began our journey together with an amazing array of endearing enchantment. We enjoyed God’s will by enjoying each other in every element of His creation. We swam in the ocean and prayed on the beach. We laughed in the pool and danced in the street. We smiled at each other and praised God in each moment, always knowing that His generosity brought us together and that His will always includes His love, peace, and joy.

So if you want to follow God’s will, and you’re wondering what it is… Look into your heart and discover the wonderous adventure that He has already placed within you. Search for the fire that is already ablaze and pursue that dream that leads to life, and the love, peace, and joy that always comes with that life, because it is God living in you!

Karen and I are pursuing that life together, and it reached a beautiful moment in our marital vows to each other on July 22nd, 2023. And now, with the nourishment of prayer and the Sacraments, we continue to enjoy each other as we strengthen one another in God’s love and commitment. We also work together and minister to others together in every way we can, especially with the mission of Our Lady’s Ranch.

So now, together we can offer our experiences, our talents, and our resources more fully towards the Glory of God and the salvation of souls. Now, with Karen’s gigantic heart, we can provide families, couples, singles, and even religious some very tangible assets to freely help them in their quest for a better life. We can provide advice for farming, homesteading, and formation in spirituality and discernment, along with the opportunity for land and prosperity here at Our Lady’s Ranch.

It is a village that we continue to pursue, “A Catholic Family Homestead Community,” where God is first and people are free to live, love, and laugh. A place where we can live in  peace and share it with others. A place where Our Lady can bring us into union with her Son. A place where all can experience the love of God. A place of peace called, “Our Lady’s Ranch.”

“I call you always to bring harmony and peace.”
(July 31, 1986)